


Until Dawn

by TheNightDuchess



Series: No Time To Die [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AckerBraun, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, Gratuitous Smut, JeanPieck, Mild Kink, Multi, One Night in Odiha, ReiKasa, ReiMika, Resolved Sexual Tension, Smut, levihan - Freeform, this fic is a no return trip to horny jail
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:20:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 28,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27161728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNightDuchess/pseuds/TheNightDuchess
Summary: As the alliance races against time and the Rumbling to stop Eren’s madness, the new plan forces the team to make an unexpected detour in Odiha, a coastal city south of Marley. They only had less than fourteen hours to get the water plane’s engine ready and to gather their bearings for what might just be their final confrontation with Eren.When Mikasa struggles in between the lies she kept telling herself from the awful truth, he, out of everyone, sees her for the fraud that she was - a terrified young girl hiding behind this invincible facade, clinging to the last anchor of her livelihood, burdened by unbearable guilt.Furtive glances and subtle touches told him what words couldn’t.If one last night alive is all that they’ve been given, then it would be a night of no prohibitions - one that they’ll carry to their graves. When the dawn breaks, it is time to return to their agonizing reality - moving forward towards inevitable death, when staying alive was no longer a possible option.Perhaps, that one night in Odiha might leave behind a lasting mark that transcends beyond space, time, life, and even after death.ReinerxMikasa feat. LevixHange and JeanxPieck
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart (implied), Jean Kirstein/Pieck, Levi/Hange Zoë, Mikasa Ackerman & Gabi Braun, Mikasa Ackerman/Reiner Braun
Series: No Time To Die [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105622
Comments: 51
Kudos: 95





	1. Hello, welcome home

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This four-part story is inspired by the recent chapters 127 - 133 (and onwards) of the manga and exploring the possibility of Mikasa freeing herself of the unattainable desire for a life with Eren, if only for a night and for once, seizing the moment with the only man who was as broken as she was. For my loyal readers & ReiKasa lovers, this is my love letter for you when canon’s ending breaks us all. I’ll never stop wholeheartedly believing that Reiner and Mikasa would have found their peace and happiness with each other, given the chance that we’ll never get in canon. I’ve been preparing myself for this heartbreak and I hope this would somehow help you too.
> 
> Content Warning: Heavy reading. Lime in Part 1 & Graphic Smut in the next chapters.

Beautiful fan art commission is by [NadiaAisyah](https://nadiaaisyah.tumblr.com/).

Part One’s accompanying rhythmic muse is “[Lovely](https://open.spotify.com/track/0NxgdbKwdArO2TsRDGedbg?si=ZWhZdPULTtiP9TQYlBulzQ)” by Billie Eilish (with Khalid), “[Paint It, Black](https://open.spotify.com/track/2VP6E3tkWSbD2uHBioBDLp?si=rgmGEY_rSUKiQnWteuP4kA)” by Ciara & “[Be Your Love](https://open.spotify.com/track/1Taq7PrHRF7dLCcHTRh2aj?si=4ZmeEhvzSYm-Iy5-epZlmQ)” by Bishop Briggs. Full playlist available [ here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/65WZ4Djf3vthXcivuMO3RY?si=kWA3KatARFyOcpdcsdfyRw).

**_Odiha, South of Marley_ **

**_Three days after The Rumbling_ **

Eren was always a constant presence inside her mind and her worries that he would, without fail make himself a permanent inhabitant of her personal space at almost every place - new or old - that she found herself in. Way back when Eren was always the one who made a fuss of her being his shadow. Funny how he was also a looming shadow inside her headspace, like a ghastly apparition that sooner disappeared the moment she turned her head towards its direction. In recent years, being within Eren’s presence had actually given her more anxiety than joy, a sad fact that she wouldn’t allow herself to admit. At least, not out-loud to anyone.

At this moment, she felt his omnipresence viscerally, but her focus was imbibed by the steadfast figure looking out the windows into the far distance. But instead of feeling alienated as she would have expected, she felt an indefinite sense of closeness even though they’ve been disconnected between two continents over the past four years.

The glint in Reiner’s hazel eyes from the reflective moonlight and the only source of illumination from the tableside lamp was like molten silver and gold pouring its incessant heat into her -- burning through her lungs, escalating with every pump of her heart, reverberating through her ribcage, spreading throughout her whole body in a burst of unyielding flames. There was sadness there, she noticed, regret was not too far behind. He looked fifteen years much older than twenty-one, far more dejected and heavy. As heavy as the past sins on his broad yet sturdy shoulders, weighing him down with each waking, breathing moment.

That shade of forest green never looked better on anyone but him.

She traced the outline of his body discreetly with her eyes, from the thick wiry muscle along the column of his neck that stood out more with the way he tilted his head, to the way his clavicles and pectorals moved up and down with every breath that he drew into his lungs. The imprint of sinewy muscles stretching against the back of his shirt, the solid contours that stood out so obviously underneath the fabric were akin to the wings of a mythical creature she had once read about in one of Hizuru’s history books. They became even more apparent - she would even dare to say in a sense; inviting when he stretched both his hands back, seemingly trying to soothe the kinks on his muscle knots. Those fuel drums probably weighed no more than a large bag of fresh produce to her, unlike it was for him. His raw strength alone would have been depleted after carrying the third drum but then again, Reiner himself was the one who dismissed Connie’s suggestion to enlist her help.

\-----

_Reiner shook his head, his blonde tresses bounced against his forehead when he protested, “We have enough men to carry all the heavy stuff, Connie.” His sweaty face glistened underneath the hangar’s spotlights and in that short distance between them, her sharp gaze somehow finding itself fixated to the sweat beads on top of his thin lips when he spoke._

_It could be his natural-born magnetism but even in the gloomy background of the hangar, Reiner still somewhat shone like the brightest star of the darkest night effortlessly._

_“But, you can help us clear this faster on the next trip to the ship, can’t you, Mikasa? There’s still 5 gallons on the steamer. You can carry two at the same time, right? Oh my God, my back is killing me.” Connie was already bent over and running short of breath, almost face-planting on the cold hard floor, sweats dribbling down his reddened face like he was just doused with a bucket full of warm water._

_“Don’t take the lady’s strength for granted, Connie. She could use more rest.” He looked back at her, the corners of his lips curved upwards in a flash and the small smile soon disappeared when she blinked._

_She would be lying if she claimed that his gallant words didn’t make her feel something she hasn’t even been capable of feeling. Not as of late. “I can help, really.”_

_“Don’t worry about this, although if you don’t mind, could you help with the smaller, lighter boxes of canisters from the ship so we could load them up to the plane? Thank you, Mikasa.” For someone with a higher military position than everyone there, not even once had Reiner commanded or demanded anything from her or anyone else. He still held utmost respect towards his former superior, Humanity’s Strongest, despite having been pushed to the brink of death on the edge of the Captain’s blade in Shinganshina five years ago. Regardless, he still gave them an option to stay on the sidelines without interfering with the Jeagerists, even knowing full well that he, Annie, Pieck, and Commander Magath weren’t very likely to survive the confrontation without any of their support._

_He made her feel included, needed without completely disregarding her stature as a woman or made her feel suffocated, even though she was physically much stronger than all of the men inside the hangar, combined._

_That small afterthought was lost in her own pondering the moment she saw him untucking the lower ends of his shirt from the waistband of his pants and used the fabric to wipe away all the trickling sweats running down his face._

_If Mikasa wasn’t already flushing before, then she was already two shades of crimson by the time Reiner’s sculpted abdomen came into her direct vision, almost subconsciously and completely knocking the wind out of her lungs._

_A sharp burst of unrecognizable coldness crept up her spine in one fluid motion._

_Jean, who suddenly appeared from behind and in the direction of the hangar’s open entrance, cleared his throat before passing by with his own arms full with a large fuel drum. Her other comrade’s sudden appearance broke her out of her trance, causing her to shake her head, no-nodded wordlessly_ before she turned herself around.

_Connie called out, “Hey, Jean. Here, I’ll give you a hand,” helping to guide his best friend with the heavy cargo. The two young men were completely oblivious of the nearly-nonexistent plight their only female comrade was in._

_Well, make that three men._

_Mikasa pushed down the air inside her throat with a struggling swallow._

_On the other hand, Reiner, who had already stopped drying his perspiration to acknowledge Jean’s assistance, instead found himself frozen on the spot when he sensed that Mikasa was scrutinizing his every move right before she disappeared from his eyesight. He_ immediately _perceived it as her being offended by his spontaneous sense of valiance, which she could have misread as him disregarding her extraordinary physical strength or dismissing her assistance earlier. Yet, maybe his own two eyes had been playing tricks on him but he swore that there was a scarlet hue adorning her face. He shrugged, her sudden flustering could be caused by Jean’s sudden appearance. Probably._

_But one thing he was very certain of - she looked softer, even more womanly than he had ever noticed. Yet he wouldn’t make a public declaration out of it but her face was a lot more tender than the one he remembered from last night’s intense fireside conversation in the forest._

_\-----_

Everything about Reiner being within close proximity just screams a gratuitous sense of ludicrous familiarity that would sooner become an unbearable pull, enticing her towards something foreign. Uncharted. Unexplored. The fear, the thrill, the uncertainties, and all that could possibly be in absolute existence there.

Her mind recollected back to the brief conversation she had with Annie on the decks much earlier. The Female titan holder’s heartfelt indication of the possible feelings she harbored for Armin only served as a reminder for Mikasa to seize the moment - for tonight might just be their last, if not one of the few they might still have alive.

Yet, her courage seemed to dwindle ever since she took Reiner up on the offer of his company. _And she thought it would be a peaceful walk._

He stayed still as he looked out the open windowsill, an arm resting high above his head, bracing his weight against the dust-stained frame. His left hand stayed vigil on the same crusted, peeling window panes. His thoughts were lost in the view of the open seas, the back of the hangar’s structure and the Hizuru steamship. From afar, they could still hear the sounds of running engines from the power generator, heavy machinery and weldings involved in the meticulous process of preparing the water plane for take-off. Apart from their presence, the city of Odiha was no more than a ghost town with nothing but the wailing sounds of the wind as its residence.

The ticking from an old grandfather clock in the hallway grated on his nerves more than calming it, teetering on his anxiety. Pulling him away from the false sense of temporary calmness he’d been fronting the whole time since they left the docks in Paradis. The frilly curtain panel hanging down the frame next to him flapped wildly in the wind breezing through the open window, seeming to emphasize his observation - it wasn’t also helping that the erratic fabric reminded him of the flagpole on top of Wall Rose the day he confessed his true identity to the Islanders.

Threatening to shatter the edgy moment with every bated breath.

Without tearing his gaze away from the water plane, he asked out loud into the partial darkness, “...What do you want, right here, at this very moment?” His low, deep voice was a ghostly echo against the walls of the deserted dwelling.

That’s the thing….Mikasa didn’t even know what she wanted. Not anymore.

Urgent hands wrapped around her own body, shivering at the gravity of his question. Her insides burnt hot from the intensity of his stare that wasn’t even gazing in her direction and the night breeze from one of the opened windows ghosted frosty chills on her skin. The frail, airy curtains flailed in another unsettling wave of uncertainty and the strong scent of the ocean waters that was carried by the breeze, overwhelmed her heightened senses, clouding the already murky parts of her conscience.

Her composure was slowly losing its well-controlled balance, drifting underneath the waves of impertinence.

No one. No one has ever asked her that question after her parents’ passing.

His unexpected query somewhat resonated an eerie, familiar emotion evoked by the one person - one that has haunted her since the night in Marley, replaying inside her head like a cracked vinyl record with a missing off switch. Always echoing the last tender sentence he had ever spoken to her, ‘What am I to you?’ before alternating with the more brutal ‘Mikasa, I’ve always hated you’. Over and over again she'd woken up with a blunt ache at the back of her head before sunrise. Hungover on the moment that could have been and the regrets that had made itself her strange bedfellow ever since.

Her life has always been determined by either circumstances or her desires to be next to Eren through everything. Now that Eren has gone so far away, where should she go?

_What should she do?_

If she had given Eren a different answer that night, could she have prevented all this from happening?

There she goes, asking herself the same question once more. Like a holy man of faith offering his prayers for all the damnations happening in this god-forsaken world.

If she had tried harder than she already was to reach out to him, be there for him, even when time and time again he’d left them in the dark or moved forward and left them behind without so much as a look.

Everything was her fault, wasn’t it? She wasn’t a good family to him, how dare she even think that she’s deserving his loyalty and his love?

_Eren’s undoing was her fault._

She couldn’t speak, the words from her brain never made it out of her throat. Her lips only quivered, braving itself to give away her inner battles between her secret desires and unspoken truths that she could never voice out. Freezing her on the spot, just like that night in Marley. The night before Eren left, leaving an irreparable void behind. Slipping further and further away from them.

Seconds shy from a minute went by and still, the man standing languidly next to the windowpane waited for her response. Upon realizing his question would remain unanswered, he eventually pushed his towering form away from the wooden frame, whisking away the speckles of dust caught on his sleeve at the same time. They don’t have precious time to waste when they are preparing for whatever tomorrow brings.

He withdrew a long sigh, prompting her back to straighten up from where she was sitting in alert. As if she was afraid of disappointing even when he had made it very clear there were no warranted expectations from him or the survivors of Marley towards the Islanders. “Mikasa, if you don’t want to tell me what’s inside your mind, I can’t-,” He shook his head gently. “--don’t think I’ll be of any help here.”

She remained wordless, her hesitation exhausting all of the strength forging the invincible wall that she had naturally built around her physical form and heart. Her eyes closed in pain and shame towards her own cowardice.

“I just-...don't know--” The words came out as nothing more than a crestfallen whisper from her lips. Her nails gripped the upholstery of the sofa so tight that she might have torn open the material if she had held on to it several seconds longer. Or with more strength than usual.

“Then, we’re done here.” He moved past by where she was sitting, prompting her to stand up in reflex, causing their shoulders to brush lightly within the short instance, triggering a quake that unintentionally awakened something else within her blood.

The need to be in control, to ravage, and to lay waste. The need that she had long disregarded the moment she made Eren’s safety her life’s priority.

She seized his hand with immediate reflex, her palm fastening itself tight on the muscle veins protruding right underneath the folded sleeves of his shirt. His sun-kissed skin was a stark contrast to her own pale complexion even in the dim source of light, a fact that surprisingly, she had noticed a long time ago. His tousled blonde-hair looked coarse and dry due to the seawater breeze but she still wondered how it would feel like to run her fingers through those strands, which had been longer than the last time she remembered.

His eyes darkened in either fear or caution, she wasn’t sure, as a quick response. She knew his guards were up once again, preparing for whatever she might have in store.

“I want -” Her voice stopped, her words unfinished. Left uncompleted.

“Mikasa,” his voice drawled low and dangerous, “We don’t have the time for mind games right now when we’re not guaranteed the day after tomorrow. I am not oblivious to the looks you’ve been giving me ever since Annie’s boots gave me a rude awakening two nights ago. I’m not willing to be on your bad side. Again.” He was eventually relieved when he sensed her grip easing itself a little bit. “I was hoping we could just talk to resolve this unspoken coldness between us. I’m not your enemy anymore.”

Mikasa’s eyes cast downwards in response to his reassuring words as if she was ashamed of something. Or terrified?

His head inched closer to hers, his whisper came off as a menacing warning that came from the lips that had been at the back of her wandering mind for the past few days. “You don’t need to be constantly on edge about me or my actions. I will help you retrieve your only living family in any way I can, even when my own --” _are gone._ His blazing ambers held her own gunmetal eyes in a heated tenacity, beckoning her due diligence like a Northern star of her lost open seas. “--I promise. Consider it as my way of ‘repayment’ when you saved Gabi. Let’s not fight unnecessarily.”

Her head shook once, her teeth biting on her lower lip without her own consciousness. “I’m not here to fight.”

Too quick or too nervous. Either one or a combination of both made Reiner miss her tiny, suggestive gesture. “Let’s head back to the ship before-” 

“....You asked me what I want.” Her gaze drifted up to his face once again. Now that they were so close to each other, she could take in the five o’clock shadow dusting his sharp jaw to the facial hairs that haven’t met a razor quite recently, the curious lines that indicated the maturing of his age as well as his build and his scent in its rawest form - an acquired musk of burnt wood, fumes and something that only belonged to him, no matter how faint it is, no matter how many years had come and gone in between.

Even since Reiner was younger, his natural scent would always remind her of the forest. Six years ago, he reminded her of the dangers lurking in the woods yet he now only brought back the beauty that also lies in its natural, green-laden paths and canopies of shady fig trees and blooming pinecones.

The beauty that she yearned to call home once again.

Eren is--- was home to her but right now, she wasn’t sure if it even exists anymore.

He looked down at the fingers clutching his forearm with a silent yet wary scrutiny. Those nimble fingers of a seasoned Titan slayer were shuddering against a Titan shifter’s skin. He could even feel the tremors through his skin. Biting into his bones. Her warmth - sweltering no different than a laboring furnace - simultaneously burns and chills him at a hundred degrees. He’d sooner be decimated and destroyed the longer she has her hold on him.

And Reiner finally understood the message within the bewildered look in her stormy gray eyes.

_You….._

“Right here, at this very moment.” She repeated the same words posed by his earlier question.

He took a step back, her words took him completely off guard. The muscle of his lower jaw ticked when he gritted his teeth in doubtful response to her audacious conviction. His steel nerves discomposed with each escalating beat of his heart. It was not uncommon for a member of the military to partake in activities of a more physical, debauched nature on the eve of a huge battle but it would usually be sought from brothel wenches; those that you’d need not do more than pay, touch, fuck and go. Never to be seen or heard again if you’re no longer around and alive by the time a mission ends or when you are dispatched to another campaign.

But those were the men in his team.

He’d only ever let one courtesan touch him once in the last four years since his mission ended in Paradis; the worst, traumatizing (to her more than to him) handjob in the history of mankind. One of his adult life’s experiences which ended with tears (from him as he couldn’t hold his repressed mental issues down long enough to retain a decent erection). He never stepped foot inside the brothel again ever since. Quite the opposite to Galliard who’d made it a weekly visit - like a Sunday service.

He shifted his attention back to the current situation he found himself in. Mikasa Ackerman is not a call girl from a whorehouse. She is a respected, prized soldier of the Island with the name and blood of an inhuman reputation that none should ever take so lightly.

He closed his eyes in contemplation, escaping into that tiny silent mental space within. Observing the metaphorical scene of his own conscience wrestling with his innate desires. Desires that had been ditched and forgotten behind a red door - barred under rotting chains, locks and key. This nineteen-year-old girl is making it very clear that she wants to rip away the chains that had been holding the more feral warrior down; neglected in the abyss of the cold, merciless, dark solitude.

She is still a nineteen-year-old _child_ forced to bloom into the body of a grown woman through the demands and terrors of wars. He wasn’t oblivious to the physical growth that she had gone through in the recent years since they’d last seen the other, made more apparent in his last two day’s observation. All the edges that curved out more than before, concealed yet accentuated by the fabrics of her uniform.

Times like these, he truly cursed his existence as a man with undignified needs. He was not immune to several forms of temptations.

Regardless from which angle he took to scrutinize the matter at hand, namely this very bewitching maiden standing right in front of him, practically offering more than just a neutral embrace -- even if the angle displayed the worst side of one Mikasa Ackerman, she would ever be this alluring forbidden fruit that no undeserving, sinner like him could even dare himself to dream of, to look at, to hold or let alone taste in all her imperfections.

There was no way in all existing hells that he’d so much think of even touching her. Not in the way she could possibly want him to.

In response to her advance, he retaliated, “Are you even listening to yourself? You’re--no, I’ll pretend I did not just hear that and we’ll both pretend that this conversation never takes place. Ever.” Although that came out much too harshly than he initially intended. 

“We’re not promised tomorrow.” Again, she reiterated his earlier words to convey what her brain couldn’t and this time, her indecent motives were emphasized through the hand that had begun to slide all the way down his forearm, skimming persuading touches on the apparent muscle veins she had discovered there. Leaving behind a trail of ignited flames in its wake; through each brush of her callous yet softer skin against his own.

_God, it would be so easy to just give in to his carnal desires tonight and just partake of what was offered by her so willingly without any apprehension._

Reiner shook his head immediately, signifying his blatant dismissal of her implied intention with a feigning disinterest. “We should go.” He pulled his arm back respectfully, mindful of the frown on her discontented face. 

She fought back. “I need this.” 

“No. You need to rest.”

“I. Need. You.” There, she finally dared herself to proclaim it out loud. Practically baring herself to him without even discarding anything from her body.

The look of sheer disbelief could have never been re-written so fast on his face. “We both know someone else over there on that ship would be more than happy to help you with your needs.”

Her forehead wrinkled angrily, marring the small space between her eyes upon comprehending the respectful albeit veiled disapproval through the divergence offered in his suggestion. “He has ‘expectations’.”

Reiner posted himself on the settee’s armrest, folding his own arms with an imminent curiosity. “And I don’t?”

She turned back towards his direction and shunned his question. “What could you possibly hope from me ever? A future?”

She picked up on Annie’s existing feelings for her childhood friend, she wasn’t emotionally-stunted to have not noticed Jean’s existing feelings for her since they were still trainees. She was hoping he would have outgrown it or had it fallen between the cracks by now.

Reiner’s chest heaved with a bitter laugh. “A future sounds ‘wonderful’ when you only have less than two years left of your life.” He pushed himself up from the armrest and shifted himself around, smoothly avoiding the side table with the only functional lamp inside that house, so that now he was sitting on the backrest of the couch instead before continuing, “Maybe I’ve been secretly in love with you too when I was still in Paradis and I had never stopped loving you after all these years. But your eyes and your heart, like a compass that will always look for the North; they would always be after the one person we’re trying to stop from destroying the whole world and everyone in it right now.“ He wasn’t baiting for her wrath. He knew that she didn’t deserve to hear the unintended mockery that rolled out like scalding venom from his lips, spitting out awful facts that those around her wouldn’t dare to utter in her presence.

The second half of his sentence, that wasn’t a lie. 

Now, it was her turn to shake her head in absolute unbelief. She wasn’t ignorant of his untimely humor.

_Some things never did change._

The soul of that tiny nine-year-old girl that was left alone in the kidnappers’ hut from a decade ago began to burst into tears on the inside. She had been restrained long enough in the darkness for her to feel that death would have been a better end than this empty loneliness. Inside her mind, her once savior’s face has distorted into a deformed figure that she no longer knew or understood. That shell of a saint had terrorized the little girl more than her own strength could shelter her innocence.

She couldn’t possibly burden Armin with her bottled emotions, she wouldn’t want a re-run of another lashing out when Armin was struggling to be strong from the inside too and yet at the same time, hypocritically, she couldn’t be the anchor that Armin needs in return.

Mikasa turned herself around and walked towards the other end of the settee and headed towards the abandoned house’s liquor cabinet in one corner of the living space, which was thankfully unlocked. She randomly picked up one of the bottles perched on its shelves. Her slender form then darted by his own, emanating a quick, furious breeze from her action. She headed towards the dining table on the other side of the hall, in the kitchen’s direction. A leg kicked aside one of the chairs tucked underneath the table and she landed her ass hard on the wooden surface. Mikasa couldn’t hide the frustrated sigh when she realized that the owner pretty much tidied up the house. Not a single furniture out of place, even in the dawn of impending destruction and the face of forced evacuation.

Papa once told her that ‘A house is just a building. A home is where your heart rests’. She took in a deeper breath as the reminder of her beloved father’s words from a time within her history when she was truly living, made itself known once more.

She had lost her home too many times to be counted. A little part of her died along every time she had to see her loved ones giving off their last breath with her own two eyes.

She brushed off these myriads of haunting thoughts and once again diverted her focus back to the house’s interior; filled with nothing but vintage collectibles more suited for a gallery than a residence. _These Marleyans are surely something,_ she shook her head mockingly.

_Live like you’ll die tomorrow. Joke of the century._

“Mikasa….” Reiner began to take a step forward with an eventual understanding of their current situation. When he first stepped into the house, following in her footsteps, he couldn’t as hell foresee this particular outcome to occur ever.

There was a flash of anguish in her eyes when she looked back at him. “You’re right. We’re done here. GO.” Mikasa emphasized the last word of her sentence with a wave of her hand towards the front door of the house. She’d rather be alone by herself while she tried to soothe the agonizing feelings of guilt and that tiny part inside of her that had wrestled tirelessly with the darkness of the void. Devouring her will, ruining her insides from within. She’d only need a tiny dose of the liquid to help her forget all the engulfing darkness if only for tonight. She didn’t--- never needed to have anyone else watching as she licked her wounds just so she could muster up enough courage to fight another day. 

Completely disregarding the other person’s existence inside the small shared space, she scrutinized the label on the bottle to make sure that she got the correct liquid.

_Bourbon._ Finally, something that she could get right this time around.

She had learned a little bit from their excursion in Marley by experiencing new cultures and observing the fine preferences of those with more privileges than the rest of the working-class citizens in the country.

She prodded the bottle’s cork to open using the tip of her thumb. The first and the last time she had ever taken alcohol was the night before Eren left them to infiltrate Liberio. Eren was there, she felt safe enough to let her guards down in front of a group of strangers, albeit hospitable ones, in the outskirts of a foreign land.

_Pain. This is what you get when you care too much about someone more than you care about yourself._

She closed her eyes when she felt a sudden ache grabbing hold of the beating heart in her chest. _Eren can be a mass murderer of women, children and innocent humans and she’d still want to run after him to bring him back from that darkness._

_Pathetic._

Eren wasn’t here but HE is here instead _._ He was a mass murderer too.

But he did it in his ignorance when Eren knew fully well the consequences of his own actions. _So why?_

Meanwhile, the wheels inside Reiner’s brain began to whirl and generate several scenarios that could happen in the next hour. Him leaving her behind and looking for someone like Jean to provide much-desired assistance to her instead. Knowing Jean, he’ll step up to keep an eye on her if she decided to throw all caution to the wind and nurse the liquor far more than she could handle.

The devil on his left shoulder, however, began prodding at the more unchaste nature inside every living man. He was no exception.

_He was not immune to several forms of temptations._ This was one of them.

It taunted him through his own mental images of Jean touching Mikasa, holding her, kissing her and her, accepting everything that he offered. The deranged imagination his brain cooked up somehow awakened a long-forgotten need and envy from within that Reiner never even thought could still possibly exist at the backburner of his broken mind. He held the naturally territorial male instinct inside him responsible -- the alpha virility that’s been trying to claw its way out of his self-imposed imprisonment.

Reiner shook his head, opposing his own thoughts. Opposing the urging of his own innate lust. _Yet, Jean wouldn’t be able to understand what she needs right now without ending up burning himself immediately after._

As a matter of fact, based on his recent observations, everyone from the remaining Survey Corps survivors were already too damaged and too affected by Eren’s actions. No one could truly decode the different kind of hurt Mikasa’s been repressing even way from before he woke up to the view of her face two days ago - up close and personal for the first time after four years. The face that had been constantly drawing blanks; a canvas of purely abstracted ruminations. Be that as it may, she remained an enigma he couldn’t decipher until this very day.

He was finally able to confirm his suspicions when she threw a question that he knew only he had the answer to. The one answer that also clued him into the notable absence of the blood-red scarf she used to wear religiously around her neck.

Mikasa’s voice cracked from the intense bout of helplessness; no different than a speeding train on a one-way trip to hell. “How could you understand him more than I do? When I’ve done nothing but care for him and love him?”

Was the red door inside her mind always that way or she chose not to see the real color it held all along? Or did she not recognize the red door slowly rotting away with every black tendril that appeared with each passing year and each course of action that Eren took behind their backs, slithering like a poison that was killing them slowly from the inside?

Reiner could only send her a sympathetic look. If only he could tell her that caring for and loving someone is different than truly understanding them. More often the feelings or love itself becomes a double-edged blade that prevents a person from truly seeing their loved one’s true nature or the real person underneath the picture they painted over rose-colored glasses.

Mikasa lifted the bottle, angling its mouth to her lips and proceeded to take a chug out of the hard liquor, yet the bottle never so much reaches its intended destination as it suspended in mid-air, halted by the bigger, rougher hand on top of her own that made it appeared so much smaller in comparison.

“Let go.” She seethed, her tone promised him a world full of pain similar to that day right before the moment she shoved a thunder spear down his Titan’s throat, but still, he never winced or even budged a single inch from her threat.

His larger, taller form stood towering over her. His muscular frame arched downwards, he angled his face closer to hers once again. He was so close to her personal space that she could sense the blazing heat from his body but his breath was icy as the dropping temperature outside. There was a tinge of peach in his breath from the fruit he had snacked on earlier in the steamer, which was also the time when he’d unknowingly stirred something intriguing inside her; causing her to throb and clench in places she didn’t even know could be possible. “Or else?,” came his challenging retort, pushing her to a corner with no possible escapes. _Wasn’t he the one who said they didn’t have time for mind games?_

Unlike Eren, whom she was still so terrified of hurting for the fear of losing him again, Reiner’s words only stirred the (albeit, super)natural impulse contained inside her very being to rise up to his challenge. To break free from her own inhibitions.

Eren took her breath away like a souvenir that he left dangling around her neck all these years, no different than a noose but Reiner...he ignited her inner structure that was somehow declining, to become alive again to a tune she has never encountered before. The blood running through her veins, the air rushing through her lungs, the urgent beating of her heart and the tendrils of unknown yearnings slithering at the lowest pit of her stomach. She didn’t _feel_ for Reiner in the same capacity that she had been feeling for Eren but she couldn’t refrain that fear of loss, the looming pain of a missed moment tugging at her heart when she saw him and Annie immobilized inside their Titan forms at the docks just this morning. Hopelessly watching, anticipating to be blown away, their last breath stolen by the ends of the Jeagerists’ thunder spears.

If someone were to walk in right now and interrupt this conversation, what would be her regret this time around?

**_She couldn’t._ ** She tore her gaze away from the fire held in his bold eyes. The eyes of a man who had nothing left to lose.

Her head shook morosely. “Take it. I don’t need it anymore.” She pushed the bottle of bourbon into his unexpecting hand, forcing it to release its grip on her own. She could feel her courage recoiling itself back into the folds of her layered insecurities, back into her red door. Retreating with its tail between its legs. “Keep the door close behind you when you leave.” The words given were more of a passing afterthought than a request. A nod to an incomplete allegory of her own incomplete puzzle. Regardless, she hoped he would receive the message; to just leave her the hell alone.

_She would also keep her own door closed when he’d almost peered through the opening._

Mikasa stretched her legs outwards before pushing herself up from the dining chair, their bodies brushed against the other once more, but she could feel the earlier fire had sizzled down, like a drop of water on a burning blade. She dragged her steps all the way to the same window he stood at earlier, looking out and trying to distinguish the outlines of Onyankopon and Armin’s figures working hard in supporting the Hizuru service crewmen in preparing the water plane. She wrapped her arms around her own body, but this time, it was more to refrain herself from breaking down instead of self-soothing, at least until she had heard him closing the door behind him on his way out.

_Keep your focus on Armin. You can’t afford to give in to your weakness right now._

She bit the insides of her lips to use the pain as a point of distraction. The last thing she’d ever wanted was to break in front of someone else but the loose, lighter strands of her bangs fluttered in the breeze, prickling her already cloudy, teary vision.

She had heard the soles of Reiner’s boots retreating towards the front door, getting fainter and fainter until it was followed by the click of the door as it slammed shut from behind her.

As if the strings holding her body up all this while were torn and being ripped away from her joints, Mikasa immediately collapsed towards the cold floor, trying to fight the tears that finally escaped her closed lids. Her forehead barely missed the windowpane’s ledge as she crumbled, sliding down the concrete wall in absolute defeat. Her strength completely abandoning its vessel like the cold draft itself is siphoning away all her remaining energy left. The warm teardrops cascading down her face flowed freely, disappearing into the creases and folds of her sleeves. Her chest heaved, her mouth releasing an inaudible scream like she was trapped in a suffocating bubble of her own world.

She used to have the scarf to lean on when the days got too difficult for her, to remind her that she had to be the unbreakable anchor for her loved ones but even the mere thought of the scarf again was enough to trigger another wave of wretchedness from within.

The apparent coldness of the sea breeze only aggravated her loneliness more than ever. Her thoughts empty but muddled with unanswered questions of the things she could have done, didn’t do, or even did wrong that could have prevented Eren from unburdening himself to her. Opening up so she could shoulder the weight of their shared sins together. This unfathomable loneliness...Eren must be in pain all these years and she didn’t try harder to see beyond his calm exterior.

What was she thinking? Seeking for a quick, temporary solace from the last man she could confide in when SHE was the one who had failed Eren who was in more need.

Was she out of her mind? Was she out of her head?

_Everything just doesn’t make sense except that it hurts her so much on the inside._

_Where are you?_ The tiny soul inside her heart called out to no one in particular.

It took ten ticks of the large grandfather’s clock to drown her muffled cries before her senses eventually registered the figure that had been sitting behind her, all the time she was battling her own ingrained dilemma.

Reiner never left.

And, Mikasa never resisted the sturdy arms that found themselves around her collars and her waist, enveloping her in his consoling warmth. Wordlessly. It didn’t feel intrusive nor did it provoke her instinctive defensive nature. It wasn’t as gentle as the way Hange had held her on the rooftop the day Armin almost passed on but it held the same degree of warmth - he wasn’t treating her like she was a fragile, porcelain doll but she could truly feel the care, no matter how faint it was, in his embrace. With tears still running down her cheeks, she allowed his arms to pull her tight, her back pressing inwards against his solid chest. His heat seeping through effortlessly, offering her the only needed comfort in the cold night.

Reiner’s left shoulder nudged her lightly against her back, gesturing her to rest all her weight against him and leaned against him, she did. He had been observing her; the frequent wistful gaze, the sullen expressions and the way she unnoticeably pulled herself away from the others when it wasn’t that difficult to glean on when you‘re with a small group of people to begin with.

She was one of the wild cards in their alliance. She was also a ticking time bomb waiting to set off due to her own nature and the nature of her relationship with the one person who they are going to hell and back to stop. He wasn’t blind or oblivious to the changes in her demeanor. It was beyond physical and mental maturity. She was in constant pain and the one that was hurting the most out of everyone.

The short conversation he had with Gabi earlier did nothing but reaffirm his observation. Gabi was there with the three childhood friends when Eren practically shamed Mikasa for her loyalty and degraded her abiding devotion right in front of his cousin. He could only imagine the devastation he would have felt if Gabi was the one who initiated the Rumbling as a thinking young adult with sound judgment, walking down the same dark path ever since.

This young woman was the one who made sure that his young cousin was still alive and in a sense, salvaged and he would be forever thankful to her the moment he discovered the truth about it. It's just and right that he’d try to save her remaining family and by extent, humanity by giving all that he has.

In the beginning, he’d expected her to push him away in reflex, somewhere along their encounter but the cold, shivering fingers that clung hopelessly at his forearm was the indication he’d needed to tell him how much she’d needed to be held like this -- by someone who’d see her for who she really was; a young girl who puts up a desensitized front yet deep within the darkest corner of her heart, would never cease to be terrified of losing the ones she loves but would also never cease to love as fiercely all the same.

“I’ve never stopped trying….but it’s never enough to stop him from moving forward to a path I can’t seem to follow.” Her words remained a struggle in between her soft cries and her dispirited revelation. Her warm tears stung his skin when it chilled in the night breeze, sending a quick, abrupt jolt all the way up to his spine.

He hushed her all but hopeful words, his fingertips rubbing lightly against the curve of her waist, giving her tranquilizing touches without urging, endeavoring to ease even a minuscule amount of pain she was in. “You’re more than enough. Always.” _To me._

She never realized how bad she had been needing-- _dying_ to hear those words from someone for so long. Someone who’d truly mattered to her.

Four years of parting and he’d already caught up in two days.

She turned her head to the side and fixed her gaze onto his calm, collected face despite the beads of nervy perspiration on his temples and on the tiny space between his nose and his upper lip. “Why are you still here?”

And then there was the smile she’d thought she had only imagined back at the hangar earlier, peering through the cracks of her red door. “I never left.”

He had never left the room when she expected him to be and that parallelism never went unnoticed between them.

He had physically left Paradis years ago but his heart had always remained behind.

_In the darkness, the little girl concealed behind her self-imprisonment looked up towards the opened door and her bleak eyes lit up to see the silhouette of a boy, only a little bit older than her. His shadow dark but his amber eyes, gold as his hair, shone with the gentlest light and the kindest smile the moment he offered his hand to her._

_I’m here, Mikasa._

_Welcome home, Reiner._

_Instead of pulling her up and forcing her to fight, the young Warrior held the young girl in a long, warm embrace instead. Shielding her from the darkness, coldness and loneliness. Offering her a companion for as long as she needed him to be._

_He didn’t have a warm cloth to offer for comfort but only everything on his own self in return. That was the only remembrance she’d ever needed._

Mikasa broke down and wept against his still chest, his heartbeats were the only remedy she’d ever needed to lull her from the existing terrors. His heat soaking up her ever-flowing tears like a lone smoke tree in a barren, scorching desert. Reiner took on all her weight freely - both physical and emotional and it was as tremendous as the burden of humanity’s sins on his shoulders. By Gods, he would do it all over again if it meant he’d get to relive this moment in his memories beyond impending death.

He planted his lips on the loose, inky strands on top of her head as if he has done it a thousand times in this lifetime before.

* * *

They stayed on the cold, wooden floor like they weren’t just two old friends reuniting after their last goodbye and although time had been kind to their physical growth, Reiner secretly wished that he had the power to make time stand still, if only for a few more hours from what they’ve been given - just so he could freeze and commemorate these last remaining peaceful hours with her.

He rested his back against the cold concrete wall, gazing down at the young woman in his arms, holding her like she was the last living sliver of his sanity left the moment this crazy world turned hell on earth. Her shivers had subsided, along with the tears that had dried up, leaving a curious crimson flush on her stained cheeks. Her breathing slowly regulated despite the occasional hitch that almost always followed an emotional crash and burn. He’d watched the way she quietly brushed her cheeks, attempting to hide any traces of her earlier meltdown.

When she was crying inconsolably, she was still beautiful. Even way back when Eren presumably ‘died’ in Trost the day before their graduation. She was gorgeous then, still, more stunning now in fact. A fact that he’d wish he could convey if he wasn’t a wussy because to him, she’d always be Eren’s in a delirious sense.

Until two days ago.

Reiner’s larger palm dwarfed hers in comparison yet they somehow molded together faultlessly when he clutched it tightly, letting them rest on top of his folded knees. His eyes snuck a glance towards the old grandfather’s clock reflection on the glass door of the liquor cabinet. _Half-past ten._ “Whenever you’re ready….” He prompted a gentle reminder, causing her form to stiffen against his in alarm.

Baffled, she blinked at his sentence, only capable to utter a coherent, ‘Oh’ instead. She swore the clock’s hands were pointing to nine and twelve when she walked into the empty house. Eventually, she nodded. “Sure. Let’s head back to the ship.” Now that the dust has somewhat settled, it occurred to her that maybe a good cry and confiding might just be all that she needed all along.

Something that she hasn’t been able to do ever since Sasha passed away.

He stood up, dusting himself, yet again and offered his hand for her to take, which she gratefully accepted. He pulled her lithe body upwards and in that small window of opportunity, her eyes lingered appreciatively at the swelling of muscles on his bicep when it flexed to support her weight.

She missed the way his own hungry eyes glazed over hers in the dimness of the living area; her admiring gaze did not escape his hawk-like scrutiny, instigating his own smoldering interest that’s been brewing in his subconscious way before they even docked in Odiha.

A thinly blonde eyebrow raised deviously as he remarked, “I don’t ever recall mentioning about heading back to the ship.” His tone took a darker tone and somehow sounded more salacious than usual. “Yet.” The way he stressed the last word sent another wave of furor to surge throughout her ingrained nervous system.

“Huh?”

He gestured for her to wait before he walked towards the dining table and the awaiting bottle of liquor on the wooden surface. He clapped his hand around the glass decanter and headed back to where he’d left her. He lifted the bottle, reading the print at the same time.

_Single Barrel Bourbon Vintage 844._

He sent an inquisitive look back to her. “Planning to go deep tonight? You’d never strike me as a heavy drinker.”

She shook her head and bluffed, “Just a sip, maybe.” Her shoulders lifted in defeat, the moment he called her out on her front. She’d only planned to drink hard enough to numb the pain inside her chest and light enough for her to still be able to haul herself back without looking like an idiot to the bunker bed inside the ship that she had reluctantly camped in during the day.

Mikasa observed helplessly, enthralled with the way his Adam’s apple bobbed when Reiner chugged two full sips from the stout-necked bottle, smacking his lips earnestly as soon as he downed the smooth notes of sweet caramel, oak and spicy cinnamon in one big, audible gulp. The smokey vanilla aftertaste burnt and persisted at the back of his throat. “Could use some ice in it but I always prefer it neat.”

Partially unaware of the effects he’s been setting off in the younger woman standing next to him, he pushed the bottle into her hand, reminding her mildly, “Only a sip. You’d want to stay sober.”

Still dazed by the way he took a swig from the bottle like a champion, Mikasa straightened her posture and grabbed the offering, nodding at his words. They were very fortunate to still have beaten the marching of the Colossals by slightly more than half a day since they departed from Paradis in haste, but to take a chance on being wasted while they’re practically sitting ducks might not be such a sound idea after all.

But then again, she’s in the presence of a seasoned drinker. It was very obvious to her that he’d been drinking more liquor than regular water in recent years. To use the advantage of his shifter powers to drown the pain and the horrors he’d been through all in the name of Marley. The night they arrive in Liberio was the first time they ever stepped foot there but she had been in Marley for four months before; long enough to observe the prejudice and discrimination that Reiner, his family and the other Eldians had to survive through.

To see him still standing and fighting for humanity’s future even when he had to bear the brunt of hatred from the whole Island who sees him as a traitor, even when he only has less than two years left of his life, sent a tender tug to the bottom of her heart. If she wasn’t born on the Island, and he, in Marley -- in another life, maybe, just maybe, she could be the woman that can tell him how proud she was of his dedication to his cause. The one to be waiting for him in their shared home, welcoming his return from a long-overdue mission and to shelter him from the demons and guilt that become his shadow.

_To her, Reiner would always be the type of man who comes home no matter the distance, no matter the mission and no matter how long their separation would be._

_He would always come home._

“Changing your mind on that drink? I could always take that on your behalf,” asked Reiner, laced with a hint of good-natured humor, bringing her attention back from the almost lucid and too-good-to-be-true imaginary inside her head. His gentle smile and his gentle tone would have been enough to undo her if she’d allow it. _If only..._

The sweet warmth of the bourbon eventually went down her hatch, tantalizing her parched throat and she greedily savored the aftertaste with a long drawl of her tongue against her own lips in appreciation. Eyes closed, she beamed in gratefulness for the little things that she never took the time to revel in. Not when she has always put Eren and the others first before herself.

This time, the tiny gesture did not go unnoticed by the young military veteran from Marley. One of his long thin digits pushed away the midnight tendrils covering her beautiful but sad eyes, unearthing her somewhat anxious face; quite contradictory to the bravado that she approached him with much, much earlier. He could pick up the hint of vanilla in her breath as he drew closer, only a breath’s distance between their lips and he caught her swallowing hard as her gunmetal irises rounded and bore deep into his damned soul. Counting the seconds when the bough breaks. He asked, “Nervous?.” 

He ran the pad of his right thumb along her scarlet cheek, causing her to falter in her response, her back thudding against the open window frames. He could already hear the loud thumping of his own heart inside his ears. It wasn’t the bourbon for obvious reasons; he’d need more than two of the same bottles to even feel the slightest tipsiness. The heat within slowly but surely was kindled by her inquisitive gaze; her granite eyes were now a midnight hue. Darkened with her own longing.

“F--for?” Was the clueless, innocent reply from those innocent lips. He wondered if they were truly as innocent as they appeared to be.

Her hands trembled slightly and she immediately tried to break the almost unbearable tension and pull between them by sneaking another sip from the liquor bottle in her hand to calm the volatile thundering inside her chest.

Reiner, however, was quicker in stopping her, prying the bottle away from her grasp and chastising her playfully, “You’re quite a rebel, aren’t you? You agreed to one sip.” The illumination from the table lamp behind him cast a stunning outline of his taller build yet in the moonlight, his eyes were a mesmerizing dark amber, already hooded with a brimming desire.

Mikasa released a long sigh. “One more wouldn’t hurt. Right, Vice Commander Braun?” A tiny, shy smile graced those pale yet luscious lips of hers, from the same mouth that had been holding back unendurable anguish earlier. The sly, formal way she called him by his designation and family name contradicted the image of her demure face as it sent an electrifying signal from his vision straight to his brain, sparking his dormant primal instinct to hunt, subdue and mate this woman. Waking it up from what might have seemed like an eternal slumber.

Those eyes, that damned smile and those lips would be his downfall. When you’re very sure you’ll bite the dust the next day or the day after, he might as well bite the bullet and strike the iron while it’s hot. His head tried to step on the brakes but his heart was already pumping blood throughout his body, primarily the main route down south. Just the mere thought of knowing that he could make her smile again yanked at his chest. It alternated with his own burgeoning lust, made evident by the hardness that could be felt at the front of his breeches.

He’d just want to cherish this woman and ruin her at the same time if he’d allow her.

But before he closes the distance in between, he’d just have to make sure.

It appeared to her that Reiner was aiming for her lips but instead, he evaded. Completely missing his intended target by a mere inch. “We shouldn’t be doing this….” Reiner whispered into her ear, coaxing, gauging her intention for one last time. His breath labored deeper than before and his already shaggy, unshaven beard prickled against the sensitive skin on her neck. Even in the dim room, he could truly appreciate the way her skin flushed crimson from his tiny action. From her neck and all the way down to the valley of her breasts, peeking from the tops of her undone collars. He heard a low but long whimper escaping her open lips before his chest bumped onto the soft lumps of her breasts with a loud enough thud that would have made the situation laughable if it wasn’t for the fact that their bodies were deliberately grinding against the other with unadulterated desperation and wicked intentions.

Mikasa was the one who pulled Reiner’s solid body snug against hers, shaking her head and echoing his words from her own lips, while her breaths labored and became heavier by the second. His right hand was already palming the back of her tight pants, rubbing and grabbing her derriere in admiration, reveling in its taut roundness. Grunting as her clothed mound rubbed against his semi-hardening member. Her mounds, the top front and the lower back, were so much softer than he’d actually envisioned. Once. Or twice in the span of two days. Or occasionally in the last four years.

Mikasa pressed her hips forward against his own, whimpering when his muscled hips pushed her back against the wall in response, trapping her against the concrete, the top half of her body almost jutting out of the open window frame. She pressed again, right before she uttered another chorus of “We really shouldn’t….” and the words trailed endlessly as she tasted the tanginess of his skin on her tongue when she planted a smoldering kiss on the long column of his neck. Nibbling, taking in the musk of his raw masculinity, nipping at the wiry muscle veins there with further curiosity.

“We shouldn’t…” He hissed in desirous agony the moment her lips and teeth made contact with his skin, pushing all coherent thoughts out of his brain. His eyes occasionally darted at the view of the hangar, to make sure none of the men there noticed their location. Or what they were up to. “Shouldn’t we?....” Her voice was a tender caress to his ears as she looked up from her new fixation, breaking the tiny action, causing more torment than peace to him. Her sultry gaze turned darker and underneath the moonbeam, he could perceive the predatory instinct inside her awakening, shattering the guise of her innocence.

He was supposed to be the hunter but he was also the hunted at the same time.

It has always been that way it seems.

Never was in his wildest imagination that he’d found himself to be willingly resigning and submitting himself to Mikasa Ackerman’s one true, domineering force. “We should…” His thin lips brushed against her temple in a gentle stroke, inhaling in her scent of fresh linen and something floral - honeysuckle.

_Shit. She showered before._ Reiner cursed inwardly upon realizing that he was still filthy and very possibly reeked of his own day-long saturated body odor. He did sneak a quick shower to get rid of his dried up blood stains as soon as he was capable of moving again inside the steamer but that was seven-eight hours ago? Even so, the way she was nuzzling against his neck and jaw, inhaling him in and sizing him up like a she-wolf on a midnight hunt, was enough evidence for him to understand that everything about or on him did quite the opposite of turning her off.

Before he’d so much crossed the point of no return, he just needed to be sure for one last time. “Are you saving yours--”

One of her fingers raised and halted his lips from ever uttering another word. It needed only no more than a shake from her head and a captivating gaze from her to seal the deal she was making with the Vice Commander of the Titan unit from Marley.

It never mattered then, it didn’t matter now.

However, the logic inside her began to make her subconscious protest, “But then again, the Rumbling would--”

“Until dawn.” Reiner persuaded and negotiated for her ultimate resolve. She said she needed him.

He was in dire need of her too, more than he thought would be even sanely possible.

“Huh?” came the endearingly clueless response of hers again that he’d somewhat grown accustomed to since the last forty-eight hours of being around her.

He ran a thumb against the tempting folds of her lower lips. “We have a good seven hours headstart. For tonight, be mine until first light.”

She blinked in contemplation even though she was very resolute with the way her body was projecting all her repressed, concealed desires all this while. They might die tomorrow. Which option would she regret more? Taking this one chance to break free or walk away to leave space for another ‘What if’ in this lifetime?

She gave a small, gentle nod as a response. _I want to be yours._ Mayhap, that was the answer to his first question all along - the question that he asked her the moment they were both engulfed in absolute silence inside this secluded dwelling. 

With a wicked glint in his eyes and a sly grin on his lips, he lifted the almost forgotten bottle of bourbon in his left hand and took a swig out of the liquor, as she observed in bewilderment. _What happened to staying sober?_

She received the wordless answer the moment his lips captured hers immediately, all the bourbon he just took flowed directly into her unsuspecting cavern. The sweetness and spice from the liquor ensued as she drank in all that he was giving to her in that one sinful sip. His overwhelming warmth invaded all of her senses, the soft muscle of his tongue slithered against her own inexperienced one, stealing her breath away like a foolhardy marauder who stumbled upon a buried treasure in an unclaimed land. As if she wasn’t already giving it away to him so willingly by now. The hand that was making itself familiar with her ass had already made itself home against her nape. His long digits sifted through her short silky tendrils before cupping the back of her head with a delicate tug. Ravishing her lips greedily, tasting the vanilla sweetness of her mouth, his tongue coaxing hers to unfurl itself so naturally, prompting his insidious subconscious to whisper that he wasn't the first man her lips had ever touched.

He might not be the first but he hoped he would be her most unforgettable if she survives their last stand against Eren.

Reiner grunted dangerously against her open lips, “Fuck, Mikasa….tell me to stop now and I will.” His chest heaved for the air that he’s lost in his endeavor. _He might as well be dead if she were to ever say that word right now._ Using his weight, Reiner pressed her body back up against the window frame once more, breathing in her scent at the juncture between her neck and her shoulder. Concealed underneath the hard collar of her crisp button-up. He blindly rested the bottle on the windowpane, couldn’t care less if he missed the ledge while his other hand still nestled between her strands. He tilted her head to the side to gain more access to her skin and his lips elicited a deep, shameless mewl from her. “Never.” She begged at his mercy and vehemently opposed his cautioning.

Mikasa’s far stronger hand pulled his head back up by his nape to stress the choice that she made, sealing it with another determined touch of her lips to his, drinking away at his existing hesitation. Her other free hand was already untucking the edges of his shirt from his waistband, slipping underneath the fabric, kneading and grabbing selfishly at the chiseled abdomen she had discovered there. She moaned appreciatively against his kiss, nipping his lower lip in delight as her fingertips grazed against the swelling packs on his taut skin. It reignited a blaze that she thought was gone for good much earlier.

Reiner smirked a little bit at her eagerness and in the quick instance that his eyes were opened while they were still in a liplock, he caught sight of what could possibly be two figures standing at the back of the hangar and facing towards their direction. It would be only a matter of time before they’ll get discovered if they decided to rut at that window there and then itself. He turned their bodies to the full wall next to them, breaking their kiss in that swift action, prompting her to ask, “Who was it?”

He gazed downwards and used the back of his fingertips to caress one of her blushing cheeks, replying with, “Not Jean, thank God.” He grunted when her open palm landed _hard_ on his chest with a loud smack. Her head shook at his untimely humor, yet again.

He sneered a little, confirming a huge piece of information based on the stealthy observation he’d done much earlier. “Very sure Jean would also be ‘preoccupied’ right now.” Especially from the way he and Pieck had been glancing at each other from across the room when they thought no one was looking. He baited her, “Jealous?”

“Good for him.” Mikasa nodded, her face lit up upon receiving the information that confirmed her own observation as well. Jean deserves to be with someone that could help him unload himself better and Pieck would be good to him.

Reiner took hold of Mikasa’s arms, reeling her in before she’d so much as pulled herself away again and hoisted her much slender body up against his larger build. Her long legs spontaneously fastened themselves around his hips and he accepted her weight so naturally in return, while their lips - as if they couldn’t be further apart from each other for far too long - met once again in another bout of heated fervor.

As though they were long-lost lovers instead and not a reacquainted history.

Reiner skimmed around the living area once again, trying to decide on where or which surface in the house apart from the floor that they could get to before they got too ahead of their own needs. _The bedroom, the kitchen top, the sofa, the door, or the dining table_. His train of thoughts was distracted by the sultry way she whispered into his ear, “Take me now. Anywhere,” while her ass ground recklessly against the rock hard bulge in his breeches and her teeth grating on the sensitive spot behind his neck, teasing him with the last strike he’d ever need to incinerate his shackles. 

Enunciating a single ‘ _fuck’_ , Reiner practically dumped her ass unceremoniously on the dining table, demanding her patience as he retrieved the glass decanter he had left on the window frame before. Bottle in hand, he retraced his steps back to her awaiting body and her inviting warmth on some stranger’s dining table, prowling with the ferocity of a fearless hunter. _God, he had never felt this alive before._

He might not be breathing by this time tomorrow night.

It didn’t matter. He would not be holding himself back anymore.

He would make this, his _last supper_ to remember. _He’ll break her, he’ll build her up, he’ll ravage her and he’ll lap her up in the way she wanted._ He’ll be her bane and brace the way she’d be his.

That night, inside one of the small abandoned abodes in Odiha, Reiner Braun took Mikasa Ackerman all the way up to the highest pinnacle in the midst of hell on earth. 

Little did either of them know that her **_forever_** would begin the moment they catch the sunrise together, before parting with one last kiss when the dawn breaks. Pretending that they had never been drunk on each other’s bodies and drowned in their lust the night before.

* * *

**_48 hours earlier_ **

**_Shinganshina, Wall Maria (or what’s left of it)_ **

**_A day after The Rumbling_ **

_“Where’s Reiner?”_

The day after the Rumbling began, she finally received the answer to her question that she asked the younger girl the evening before, when Gabi opened the door of one of the abandoned huts east of Shinganshina. The moment Gabi told her and Armin that Eren undid all existing hardening the second he triggered the Walk of Death, the walls were not the only ones crumbling. It also undid Annie’s crystal confinement and the Armored Titan’s hardening. Even she herself was surprised to hear her own lips uttering that question to Gabi, well, maybe she was slightly concerned, especially at the part where Gabi said he was too injured to move. Reiner could be stranded somewhere - wounded and defenseless from not only the pure titans but also the marching Colossal Titans, reigning hell in its path. 

They were veterans but even then, it had never gotten easier to slay pure titans after four years of its last existence; even worse when they were all your superiors and fellow soldiers. What more if it was a lone, worn out shifter on his own? But, Mikasa took Gabi’s words for it when she told him that Reiner was resting somewhere safe, before Armin left with the little girl to pursue Connie, who was last known to be heading to Ragako with the poor unsuspecting boy, Falco in tow.

Later that night, during a discreet impromptu meeting with Hange-san, she couldn’t hide the relief evident on her face the moment their Commander confirmed their new, even if shaken, truce with the remaining Marleyan forces on the Island. It could only mean one thing - they’ll be working together once more.

She couldn’t take up arms against him again, not after all that’s been happening.

Gabi and Falco led them into the hut and for the first time after four years, Mikasa could see Reiner’s face up close and personal; out of his titan form. The initial thing that she’d noticed about him was his gaunt face; like he barely had any sustenance at all. He’d lost so much weight that was humanly possible and even when he was sleeping, she could still feel the grim and heavy burden weighing on him. The sight of his thinning figure contorting uncomfortably in his slumber, next to a plate of untouched apples and bread, was enough to tug her heart with despair. She could only observe in silence when the children tried to rouse him up from his rest, right before Annie decided to jolt him awake using the ends of her boots through a hard kick.

Reiner’s body jerked upwards upon impact. He blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of the intrusion. “Annie?“ He asked, still fuzzed as his sleep-addled brain recognized the face of his fallen comrade from years ago. He almost jumped when he saw the much grown Connie and Armin who were sending skeptical looks in his direction.

Gabi and Falco reassured him that they were now on the same side.

He eventually recognized the fourth face; the pale, porcelain complexion, the exotic features, the scar underneath her right eye. The same Angel of Death that had almost been successful in seizing his last breath multiple times before. She used to look at him with anger in her eyes but now, there was nothing but an empty sadness.

The irony of things still remains - he’d rather see her in anger than in pain. At this point, maybe they’re all as good as dead inside.

* * *

**Next Chapter:** Reiner discovers that bourbon had never tasted so much sweeter than it was on a woman’s skin. Using their lips, they paint their stories on each other like a final scripture and she takes him deeper into her black sea of desires within those few stolen hours.

A/N: Ok y’all, you know what or who ;) is going to go down in the next chapter? Do share your favorite moments in this part because I love to hear from you guys. Also, if you need more of ReiKasa in many different worlds/universes, feel free to check out my [ BLOG ](https://queenofidealism.tumblr.com/ReiKasaHeadcanons) for more headcanons/non-publishable WIPS for your reading pleasure. Till the next chapter & thank you for your time!

xoxo

NightD


	2. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A thousand days & nights had passed by since they last saw the other. Changes don't happen overnight but those changes did not escape the other’s observation. When you’re on the eve of the world’s destruction, there’s no place for flaring tempers, thrown fists and spiteful words, let alone burgeoning attractions. Mikasa is reminded that she’s still a young woman. With needs. Reiner's obliviousness, or so she thought, made the situation becomes much more unbearable.

**A/N:** A heartfelt thank you to all who have read & left kudos on this humble story of mine. A special shout-out to Somuel, Mikasa, runicrunes, bloominglungs, MercuryBlade, Asli_Rejin, sotto_voci, A_Fellow_Warrior, Marian48, ZSGurl, Josielyn13 & Echelon7 for taking the time to leave supportive & wonderful comments in Part 1. I’ll absolutely keep all your opinions in mind for future works & I’m glad most of y’all had enjoyed the way Reiner expressed his more gentle side towards Mikasa and truly seeing her for who she is, also how Mikasa was appreciating Reiner in the previous chapter. More to look forward to!

Also, ch.135, *manga spoilers!*, I am just very happy to see this ship’s BROTP being established in the manga. It’s been shown gradually & subtly since ch.124 but 135 just became a personal dream come true for me. Like, finally, Isayama-sensei! That has always been something that I envisioned since 2013. Kami bless you for that!

Not forgetting, the ep.1 of the Final Season! Reiner’s new visual + his VA’s presentation never ceased to give me that chills. It’s so good to see him animated again. My heart just melts when I hear Mr. Hosoya’s voice :3

(To Echelon7: Ch.135 changed my mind regarding your comment. A ReiKasaJean OT3 is possible now! I’ll keep you posted when the OT3 fic is done ;D)

Part Two’s accompanying rhythmic muse is “[Surrender](https://open.spotify.com/track/0ecC8p17cDNlxHXkuYqeR6?si=pi40kl2aQeuag9gFR5w7ew)” by Natalie Taylor, “[Tell Me You Love Me](https://open.spotify.com/track/3ebLBZtRjuIjNwFmJhDOTv?si=par0UIUtRziSmRDGmvrlXA)” by Lauren Spencer-Smith, “[No Time To Die](https://open.spotify.com/track/73SpzrcaHk0RQPFP73vqVR?si=CnvuJ_JBT5GCbIwyhXKTuQ)” by Billie Eilish & “[Sacrifice](https://open.spotify.com/track/4LbfLqheRZesqH794Avpd9)” by Black Atlass (feat. Jessie Reyez).

**Content Warning:** Abundant reading. Heavy dialogues. Profanities. Spiritual euphemism in Explicit Adult Scenes (May take you to horny jail along with the author xD). The smut scene will be in the last section of this chapter with a labeled warning so you know where to skip if need be!

Kenny Ackerman once said, “Everyone is a slave to something.” If Eren is a slave to freedom, then this author is a slave to this OTP. (I’ll keep on writing for my OTP even when SnK canonically ends. They’ll continue living in Canon/Modern AUs and beyond, baby!)

* * *

**_35 hours earlier_ **

**_The Forest_ **

**_A day after The Rumbling_ **

It took them a good several hours on horses to reach the designated meeting point for the remaining survivors of both the Survey Corps and the Marleyan forces left on Paradis. In the deeper part of the forest, the group gathered around the only bonfire, in a spot well-concealed by tall, shaded trees. Hange sat in the middle of the two different sides involved in the newly-formed fragile alliance, stirring her self-made stew in a steel cauldron her team had managed to secure in their haste to leave the Paradis military’s base which was already overrun by the Jeagerists. Occasionally, her eyes darted from Magath on her right-hand side, to her subordinates on her left, looking so out of place. Both sides were holding each other’s gaze in an awkward, silent and heated staring match.

Armin stood in between Jean and Mikasa, with Connie standing next to her as they faced the Marley survivors on the opposite side, the Cart Titan’s large hulking form stood vigil next to the injured Humanity’s Strongest, sleeping on a makeshift pull cart. All parties involved were wearing the same sullen expression on their faces, some with more hate than the rest, namely Magath and Jean. It was a matter of time before one side threw the first hate bomb that would sooner trigger the consecutive barrage of vitriol originating from 2000 years worth of history. The opener was without a doubt, kicked off by a heated banter between Magath and Jean, disputing over who deserved to retaliate, whose fault was it for every single fucked up thing that has happened to humanity and whose responsibilities drove Eren to his drastic, reckless actions. While the rest could only hold their gazes either towards the ground or against the person on their opposite.

In the bonfire light, the vast differences of Reiner’s appearance became more grim and apparent since Mikasa had last seen him in Shingashina. She’d witnessed him without most of his head and without skin on his flesh before that would have shaken mere humans down to their bones. The last words she’d ever spoken to him was of her demanding him to get out of his Titan form and surrendering himself for interrogation.

Even when he’s fully awake after a long sleep, he still looks exhausted, dejected and burdened.

She remembered feeling the gut-wrenching disappointment in her heart the second she saw his rigid stubbornness; refusing to surrender and giving away any further information about where he came from and what his mission was. Four years later, they’d finally understood his objective all those years of infiltration, which remained the same even until today.

To save humanity and the world from the destruction that Eren had exactly initiated.

Now, to be in a position where they had been enabling such catastrophe to happen without even being fully aware of the extent of Eren’s dark decision -- they were no different than the evils inflicted by their ancestors towards Marleyans and the ensuing counter-oppression that lasted for centuries ever since.

She averted her gaze back to the ground the moment she saw his dark amber eyes glazed over hers; he knew she had been staring for quite some time from across the distance.

Annie’s sharp and painfully truthful words only aggravated the existing pressure lingering in the air, as she began to make the Marley survivors’ primary concern known when she questioned the Survey Corps, in particular, Armin and her, who was slightly caught off guard by her remark.

“Does that mean, you can kill Eren now?”

Her eyes squinted, disbelief over such a question that came from the other girl. “Killing Eren isn’t the only way to stop him.”

“Yeah, I’d thought you’d say that. Then, what now?” Annie’s deadpan look remained unfazed. “Are you going to convince him? A kind of person who tries to commit mass murder, is he going to have a mind that you can change easily?”

_If only they had known about the unexpected altercation in Niccolo’s eatery._

_But how could she and Armin even convince them that there must be a real explanation - the truth that Eren was not telling them._

The young strategist of the Survey Corps held the other woman's gaze in his own defensive reluctance. “We don’t know. Not until we talk to Eren.” The corners of Armin’s lips curved downwards disapprovingly.

The flaxen-haired female shifter rebutted, “Alright, then let’s say that we managed to talk to Eren, to convince him and still failed, what’s next? What is the last resort?” She was absolutely pushing for the alliance to make up their damn minds when millions and millions of lives are at stake with every passing second.

Armin and Mikasa had no words -- not even a single one to respond or even retort towards Annie’s allegations. They both could only stare back with a collectively empty gaze of their own.

Meanwhile, Reiner, who was sitting cross-legged right in front of Annie, crossed his arms and awaited for their answer as it will, in a way determine the direction of this alliance. Completely oblivious to the way the ever sharp Falco, who was sitting next to him, noticing the intense anticipation on his immediate superior’s face as he looked across the distance towards Mikasa and Armin’s direction.

Annie shrugged her shoulders dryly, reaffirming her own accusation. “Thought so, if we try to protect our homeland by killing Eren, you’re going to end up fighting us in order to protect him, aren’t you?”

Mikasa’s eyes cast downwards in visible grief. Annie’s harsh words blatantly forced the raven-haired young woman’s devotion and loyalty to be placed on the judgment scale. It was unfair to her because of her relations to Eren but everything about life was never fair. _He’d known it a long time ago._

“Because nothing else mattered to you but Eren isn’t it, Mikasa?”

_There it is...the pulled trigger of the smoking gun._

Reiner could see the female Ackerman’s face grimacing at Annie’s harsh but honest question. The flames from the burning fire only reflected the glassy mirror in her gunmetal eyes. It was truly obvious that Annie’s words hit her where it hurts the most; her heart. A gnawing feeling made itself known as an insidious voice at the back of his head began to throw a curious question to himself -- _had they finally gotten together after all these years?_ The recent years of his self-imposed observation on human behaviors told him a very subtle giveaway; her eyes and her body language… Those were not the eyes of a brokenhearted lover. They were more disappointed, not only sad. Devastation, yes but not anguish. At least not yet as he could perceive the small glimmer of hope left in those beautiful but sorrowful eyes.

Ones that looked more lost than ever.

It genuinely felt like he was watching a family member of a mass murderer’s victim patronizing the mass murderer’s family for not taking a proactive stand against their own brother or son’s inconceivable, heinous actions.

_What would Mama feel if Mikasa or Eren held her responsible for Eren’s mother’s death? When it was his own actions and decisions alone that had caused that to happen? No, he wouldn’t let Mama bear the brunt of his own mistakes, even if it was for the sake of humanity._

Eren is a grown young adult with the capabilities to make sound decisions. Mikasa and Armin couldn’t be held entirely responsible for Eren’s actions.

In a way, he’d still understand that Eren is family to her and no matter how rotten or disgraceful your family is, you’d still want a fighting chance to bring them back from the darkness and save them if you could.

“So, are you saying that I should die?”

Mikasa did the unexpected when she unsheathed the handle of her ODM gear while Annie seemingly unclasped the sharp hook of her metal ring in response, signifying her readiness to shift and risking everyone’s lives at that exact moment. One young woman was ready to draw blood while the other was prepared to retaliate with the same degree of force and perhaps, a far repressed, seething anger.

Shocked would be an understatement of the century. Everyone was terrified. The last time these two headstrong women tried to go head-to-head with each other - Annie ended up crystallizing herself after being subjected to Mikasa’s merciless yet expected counterattacks.

Well at least to him, the outcome can already be predicted but then again, it really is irrelevant when the whole world was on the second eve of its absolute annihilation.

A sigh of relief escaped his chapped lips in a low drag the moment he saw Mikasa retreating back from her advance. That was only after reaching common ground with the Female Titan holder, to which they both agreed to hold off any direct altercation until they are able to confirm that communicating with Eren is an achievable objective to stop the Rumbling.

_She has grown up so much in the past four years from that brash, impatient and occasionally reckless young girl he’d last remembered in Paradis._

Reiner was very, very affirmative that someone was going to get their asses handed to them at one point, somewhere along the way as the night progresses. 

He just least expected that it would be him. _Or did he, all along?_ He was hoping, more like it.

Thus why, he’d never lifted a single finger to defend himself the second he saw Jean’s figure sprang up towards him with a fist he’d already foreseen from a mile away.

* * *

“Gabi,” Mikasa called the little girl’s name to get her attention right before she knelt on the ground just beside the two children. She placed a bucket full of clean water that she drew from the nearby stream, next to her with a clean cloth wrap, gesturing for the girl to get under the blanket of their sleeping mat. “Let me wrap this cold press around your back so it won’t be swollen in the morning. I’m sorry. I know Jean didn’t mean to hurt you.” Mikasa couldn’t hide the disappointment in her voice upon witnessing Jean’s brash actions earlier.

_At the very least, he could have let the poor man finish his meal first and not throw a punch in front of his younger cousin. She was still a child._

Mikasa gritted her teeth and released a frustrated sigh. _Why can’t Jean exercise more patience when it comes to these children?_

Yesterday, he’d been rather adamant in feeding the unconscious Falco to someone, resulting in Connie’s brash action that in a way, had been no different than kidnapping a defenseless, unconscious child for his own personal reason.

The dark-haired girl could only nod weakly, furiously wiping away the tears that had flowed from the corners of her eyes as she tried to wiggle her way under the blanket, wincing when her back hit the ground. She’s losing her family, she’s in fear and she had groveled for their mercy and compassion.

If only the younger Eren had the same opportunity to be saved, to understand and be understood the way Reiner’s cousin had. Then, maybe, just maybe they wouldn’t have found themselves in the situation they are in right now.

Mikasa gently helped the girl turn herself around so her back was now facing upwards and lifted her dress carefully. Her heart clenched when she saw Gabi flinched as her fingers touched the spot where Jean’s boot had left its imprint on her fragile skin by accident. Mikasa made quick work of pressing the cold wet fabric on the dark spot and wrapped it around the little girl’s torso using the strips of bandages she carried with her.

Gabi whispered slowly that only the older woman could hear. “Reiner had no choice, Mikasa. I understand now why he’s always seemed so distant. He can’t escape his guilt.”

Mikasa nodded tenderly, whispering a slow ‘It’s alright’ as she fixed Gabi’s dress underneath the covers before giving a gentle brush on the younger girl’s hair. “All done. Try to get some sleep. I’ll help Annie with Reiner.”

All this while, Connie and Armin had lifted Reiner’s taller and heavier body up from where he was passed out as a result of Jean’s beatings and her comrades had carefully placed the Titan shifter on an open mat that Annie had helped spread out next to Gabi and Falco’s makeshift sleeping burrow. 

Mikasa headed to the cart holding their medical supplies and grabbed one of the medical kits and a piece of clean cloth available. By the time she returned, Armin and Annie had already helped Reiner’s unconscious form under a thin blanket. Annie sent her a surprised look when she saw what she was about to do. “Are you sure? You don’t have to do this. He’ll be healed up by morning.”

She looked back at the female titan shifter with her usual indifference, not even with the slightest blink in her gaze. “It’s the least I can do. It’s easier to clean the bloodstains before they dry up.”

“Hmm…up to you.” Shrugging, Annie began to walk away, while Armin trailed in the female shifter’s footsteps but not before sending a concerned gaze towards his childhood friend. Things were not awkward between them since he’d last lost his temper in front of her the day before, but the warmth in their closeness had been sorely missing ever since. Annie’s reappearance only reaffirmed the tiny distance that had been in existence.

After coming to a confirmation that Reiner’s breathing had regulated to a slow and steady rhythm of someone who was already in a wave of deep unconsciousness, Mikasa soaked the clean rag inside the bucket of the cold water and began to dab at the steaming blood seeping from the open wounds on Reiner’s face. It was a bloody mess, though not at the level she had once witnessed when they were both younger, but the similar silent way of him repressing his pain even when he had Hange-san’s blade slicing his neck those years ago -- there wasn’t even a grunt or a whimper from him when she’d known it would have been painful on the areas which the cold fabric had touched. Even when he was being pummeled to the ground, not once did he ever retaliate nor did he even tried to defend and deflect Jean’s attacks.

It wasn’t blatantly obvious but Mikasa could observe the dispirited, forlorn look on his face the second he confessed to being the one responsible for Marco’s untimely death, refusing to let Annie shoulder the sins of his heartless yet desperate decision. He was deliberately pressing for a form of retribution, hoping that every blow from Jean’s fists would somehow be able to absolve even a grain of his guilt.

As if he wanted to be judged and in some sort of a twisted way, punished for his sins.

She didn’t need to do this but her hands, moving out of its own will, kept on wiping at the cracks on Reiner’s lips and the gushing blood from his broken septum; now impairing the sharp line of his Marley-born nose. He knew he’d healed and he took every hit freely, hoping that it would eventually liberate Jean’s anger.

_Jean wasn’t the only one who had lost a best friend._

She had lost her best friend and sister to the bullet that was shot by Gabi’s hands.

They had all stood by and watched as Reiner’s best friend cried and screamed for help as Armin, in a pure titan form, bit the fallen shifter’s head off with a sickening crunch.

Anger bursts, throwing their hands against each other and sheer violence are not going to bring the dead back to life when the whole world is on the verge of absolute destruction. Everyone has unresolved issues and hatred against someone in their ragtag alliance. Captain Levi would have held Annie on blade point if he could, for toying with his squad’s lives like they were mere insects to be crushed for her sick enjoyment. Reiner would have a vendetta against Eren, Armin and her because of Bertolt’s death in Shinganshina but both men understood the price of war.

She froze as Reiner’s chest hitched so suddenly when she accidentally pressed too hard on one of his broken cheekbones. “Sorry…” She whispered, although she knew he wouldn’t be hearing it anyway. Yet, she continued wiping at the steaming wounds, rinsing and repeating like a diligent clockwork until his face was clean with only swelling bruises left -- completely oblivious that both children were silently observing her actions curiously.

She even scrubbed carefully at the sprayed blood droplets that stained his uniform, sighing frustratedly when the larger stains seemed to be a bit more stubborn than they should be. In her actions, her fingers unintentionally grazed against the solid build of his chest through the open front of his suit, completely unaware of the effects that the light touch had manifested on her own cheeks.

Mikasa cleared her throat while wiping at a nonexistent burning on her face, as though she was caught red-handed in the middle of something she wasn’t supposed to be doing. Or feeling.

Despite all that, she continued to rub at the last speckle of crimson on the fabric until it was clean enough to her and she threw the used rag back into the bucket. She began to stand up to take her leave yet not without fixing the blanket so that it rested better on his firm chest.

It was when she finally stood up only then she noticed the two pairs of rounded, innocent eyes who had been looking at her, fairly concerned and inquisitive of her intentions.

“Don’t worry, I’m done. Goodnight.” She nodded her head towards the two children in reassurance before heading towards the direction of the nearby stream.

Gabi reached out towards Reiner’s hand and patted gently, startled when she heard his low voice asking, “Gabi, are you alright?”

“I thought you’re knocked out.” Her smaller head nodded, her forehead creased in worry over his condition. “I’m okay. Miss Mikasa helped it feel better. Does it still hurt, Reiner?”

There was a slight, expected delay in his response. “Better now.”

The little girl stared at her cousin, who remained still with his eyes closed, and remarked in all honesty. “I really like her, Reiner.”

There was a short pause as Reiner took in a long, deep breath, despite struggling to draw in air through his constricted nasal cavity. “Me too. Now get some sleep, kiddo. I’ll be fully healed by morning. Don’t worry.”

The two cousins remained silent, each contemplating the fate of their families in Liberio. Right before he drifted off into another slumber, Reiner’s mind began wandering back to several minutes earlier, to the exact moment when he felt Mikasa’s fingers brushing against the fabric of his inner tunic. She was unbelievably compassionate when he deserved none of their kindness.

_No. Sympathy was more likely._

He felt a pair of phantom hands clutching hold of the pumping heart inside his ribcage, threatening to squeeze any ounce of feelings he might still own inside that empty space.

This burdening guilt won’t allow him to feel anything else that is humanly possible.

One of his better eyes peered open and took in the view of the dark canvas up above. Even with hell down here on earth, the countless stars still shone as bright. The night skies looked the same whether he was in Marley or Paradis.

_He wondered how many nights like these he would still get to see?_

\---

 _Was she reckless to help? Had she fallen for a_ [ _lie_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/73SpzrcaHk0RQPFP73vqVR) _?_

About thirty steps away from the campsite, Mikasa took the time to be by herself and her thoughts. Sitting on the edge of the riverside, she rinsed the dirty washcloth in the bucket. She took a long time to scrub the fabric as her mind wandered through the consecutive puzzlements invoked by the events that had taken place in the past two days.

_What have you done, Eren? What were you thinking? What is it that you’re not telling us?_ If only her inner voice could be heard out loud by someone, they could hear it weeping silently for all the burning, unanswered questions inside her head.

Her hands kept on scrubbing and scrubbing, much harder than before as her own internal battle with herself persisted. In the still of the night, with only a lantern to light her surroundings, she could feel the imminent darkness caving in. Trapping her in its inescapable clutches.

The people on this island would deem them traitors; an ungrateful bunch of turncoats who’d refuse to accept their savior’s action or to bow down to their Devil. The people outside the island, on the other hand, wouldn’t be as forgiving to the islanders. They have reached a particular circumstance where unity amongst humanity is almost possible although yet to be reachable. However now, it’s even more unlikely for the islanders to coexist with the outside world in harmony, not after what is happening.

_Is destroying the rest of the world even worth it, Eren?_

_Is this the freedom you seek?_

Was she angry?

Disappointed?

Devastated?

Of Eren?

Of herself?

A hard pinch on her palm caused her to flinch as she realized she had scrubbed her hands raw while she tried to drown out the voices of her consciousness. She threw the now clean rag back into the empty wooden pail next to her and pressed her head hard against her folded knees, her aching hands shook against the fabric of her pants.

It is just too painful that she couldn’t even bother to cry or even talk to someone about it. Despite Hange-san’s coaxing and persistence. She couldn’t even converse with Armin because it just hurts them too much. To know that someone who you grew up with, you care for and love had become this inexplicable monstrosity.

But one thing is for certain that despite all that, her yearnings remain the same. _Just come back to us, Eren. We’ll figure this out together. This is not your only burden._

She allowed herself to escape into that dark, cold room inside her head. She was alone there but does it make any difference now? Even when Eren was still beside her, she’d still feel lonely from the inside.

Time stood still and the only company she had was the sound of the crackling firewood consumed by the blazing flames from the campsite and the steady flowing stream of the river.

It wasn’t until she felt a small touch on her back that she realized she had been so pent-up in her repressed, caved-in emotions that she tuned out the slow, torturous passing of time by going out like a light when she was supposed to be on standby for the next watch.

She turned her head to the side and saw the little boy, Falco, taking a seat next to her before passing her a water canister and offered her a drink.

He didn’t even say a word. He’d just sat there and that silence, nor his presence did not bother her even the slightest.

As if this boy had known that she needed some company without the intrusion of a forced camaraderie.

Even then, by the time their mostly silent, shared space ended just a few hours before the break of dawn, she’d eventually learned that they were both born on the same date. The tenth day of the second moon of the year. _February, 10._

_The world wasn’t so big after all._

\---

“Holy shit!” Jean grabbed at his chest, wheezing in shock when a huge shadow emerged from behind a group of large trees and cursed once again when he found himself standing too close to the Cart Titan’s creepy smiling face. “Can you--” initially, he barked, before lowering down his voice when he realized he might just as well lit a huge beacon to give away their location to any pursuing Jeagerists, “-- please make some noise the next time?”

A low, faint snicker, that sounded more like an eerie, howling wind, emitted from the belly of the Cart Titan. _“Not much of a badass now, huh?”_

Jean shook his head, his teeth gritted in discontent upon the unwarranted company. “Look, I don’t mean to be rude but I could really appreciate the solitude. If you could return that to me and go bother someone else like Yelena or Onyankopon, heck, even Connie, now that would be great.”

The hulking figure began to crawl forward and settled itself next to Jean, who appeared more terrified than disgusted, seeing that he had to spend quite a distance inside the Cart’s mouth as they made their runaway from the Jeagerists’ stronghold in Shinganshina. _Ugh, never again. It was horrifying._

_“Does it make you feel better, taking down a grown man when he’s already at the lowest point in his life? You’re not the only one who deserves to take out their anger on someone and you know it.”_

Jean defended himself. “He killed my best friend in cold blood when all he ever did was being at the wrong place and the wrong time.”

_“Do you ever have any idea what would happen to Reiner, Bertolt and Annie if your friend survived? Their family in Marley would be killed, they would be humiliated and publicly executed.”_

The chestnut-haired young man whipped his head around towards the Titan figure in objection. “Like the rest of us in Paradis don’t have families that are important to us too?” He exhaled a long-dreaded breath, not bothering to hide his frustration.

_“Your mother and your family are still alive, aren’t they? Mikasa and Armin have no one left alive even as a titan and they have all the right to be angry at Reiner, Annie and me but they set aside their anger for the bigger picture; humanity’s survival.”_

Jean scoffed back, shaking his head at the Cart’s subtle jab at his own prejudiced tendencies. “Are you calling me a hypocrite?”

_“Self-absorbed, more like.”_

Jean berated back with a cynical, bitter smirk on his face. “Says someone who doesn’t even know who I am.”

The Cart Titan stretched its body out and it reminded him of a cat who had just woken up from its eighteen-hour nap. _“In case you’ve forgotten, we have enough intel from Paradis to know who’s who here. Jean Kirschtein, graduated 6th in the 104th Cadet Corps. Handpicked by Humanity’s Strongest in his Special Ops Squad soon after. You’re a cold, heartless killer. That’s how you climbed up the ranks quite swiftly compared to someone who’s more skillful and gifted like Mikasa, who’s lauded as the most promising successor of Captain Levi. Because, as opposed to what the urban legend in Marley says, the Ackermans apparently have more heart than people like you.”_

“Are you done comparing notes?”

_“Almost. It also didn’t help that you feel somewhat inferior to her and yet you tried to pull off this tough guy attitude in front of her to also hide the fact that you’ve been gunning for her affections.”_

“How did-” Jean shook his head, before clutching the sides of his head once again for the evening. It truly felt as if he’s been subjected to psychological torture. _Only at the hands of Marley’s finest._ “It’s none of your business. You, your general, or even Reiner doesn’t have anything to use against me. This psychological thing you’re trying to pull, it’s not working.”

The Cart Titan lifted itself up from the ground, seemingly trying to take its leave but not without offering its final words for the evening. _“You can take out your anger on Reiner for your friend’s death but as a ‘tough’ man, you should’ve tried better to hold yourself back before so much as hurting a child. Like the rest of us, these children had their childhood and freedom of living ripped from them the day they were born. If the adults don’t show them compassion, who would?”_

A figure appeared from the direction of the campsite and didn’t try to be discreet about his presence, although he technically had been on the first watch and was to be relieved by Jean. “Hey guys, is everything alright?” asked Connie, as he appeared from his crouching position behind a bush. It seemed like he’d been around for quite some time before making his entrance.

The Cart Titan began to make her move after nodding to Connie. _“I was just taking my leave.”_

“Sure. Goodnight.” Connie turned his head back but not before sending a small wave of his hand towards the Cart’s retreating form. “She still scares me sometimes.”

“How are you being so friendly with her? Have you forgotten what she did to your village, Connie?”

“I can be angry with her but that won’t change anything and it won’t turn my mother back to who she was. She would be disappointed if I accepted the Rumbling and by remaining here, not doing anything to prevent the destruction of the world but this island. Living at the expense of other innocents’ blood is not a way to live. The Cart did transport the airborne spinal fluid into my village, it is an accessory to my village’s massacre but Zeke is the executioner.”

Jean shook his head in disagreement. “So what? I should just forgive Reiner after what he did to Marco?”

“We don’t have to forgive anyone, we don’t have to like them but we just need to be working together before the whole world’s destroyed by Eren and the Colossals.”

“I am not a big fan of her condescendence.”

Connie rolled his eyes at his best friend’s remark. _Look how the pot is calling the kettle black. What a match made in heaven. Wait -- a horse and the cart…._ “What the fuck ahaha….horse and the cart. You guys are not too bad together.” Connie burst out into a cackle upon his sudden revelation, causing Jean to curse yet again at the Ragako native’s ill-timed humor.

\---

The small wrapped up figure lying on the makeshift pull cart began to stir in his sleep. The vigil brown-haired woman who was resting against a nearby tree and keeping watch scooted over to the pull cart.

“Hey Levi,” asked Hange, concern vivid in her visible eye. “Are you parched? Need something to eat?”

The raven-haired man’s one good, visible eye opened and he responded slowly, “Hange...what was the commotion about earlier?” He awoke in his sleep when he’d heard the sound of a scuffle from the group. Shaking his drowsiness away, he began to reach out for the bowl in Hange’s hands, but the other woman pulled it away, insisting that she’d helped him instead.

“That? Just a bunch of kids duking it out over centuries-old history and dead best friends,” offered Hange, as she continued her recap of the earlier incident. “Jean kicked the shit out of Braun for killing one of the cadets in Trost. Remember that day when the whole unit’s gone outside the walls for an excursion?”

Hange scooped a small sum of the meaty, starchy stew, having been slightly cooled off in the cauldron, and pushed it into Levi’s slightly opened jaw. “Take it slowly.” In normal circumstances, Levi would not be caught dead having to be fed by someone else yet it’s now already a regular occurrence between them for the past few days. Hange found it rather therapeutic and in a sense, calming when she saw Levi slowly regaining his strength from an almost vegetative state several days earlier. “How are you feeling?”

Humanity’s Strongest nodded slowly as he took in another spoonful of stew. “Better. All thanks to you, Hange.”

Hange beamed when she saw the only visible end of Levi’s lips curved upwards. A tiny bit. “Is that a smile I see, Levi?”

“Hmm…” Levi grunted, feigning an annoyance towards his longtime comrade’s words. “Anyone died while I was asleep?”

“Levi….” Hange shook her head, yet she couldn’t force back the grin on her face. As she continued to feed him, occasionally alternating with small sips of water from the steel canister, Hange eventually let out a long drawl of sigh, oblivious to the way Levi’s watchful gaze lingered over her face. 

“Something on your mind?”

“Nothing...just, I hope that we can work all of this out. I should’ve seen what Eren was planning, should’ve tried harder to foresee this happening.”

“Stop blaming yourself for that brat’s selfishness.”

“What do you think Erwin would have done?”

There was a flash of reminiscence in Levi's eye when their previous Commander’s name was mentioned. He took a long time to respond to her question. To be honest, it’s a question that has crossed his mind once in a while when he’s faced with decision-making that requires the priority of one over another, or others.

“He would have prioritized humanity above all else. Just like you do.”

Hange nodded, although she was very well aware she wouldn’t be able to fill in Erwin’s position that he left behind, but she would never cease to uphold all the values their former Commander had inspired inside all of those who bear the insignia of the Wings of Freedom. It was rather unfortunate that Erwin’s values had somewhat been violated by the Jeagerists - who twisted their definition of freedom by enabling Eren’s orchestration of the world’s destruction.

Erwin would have fought for the world’s humanity to death.

Levi’s grunt could be heard as he eventually caught sight of the Female Titan holder, sitting on the other side of the clearing with Armin next to her. Both of the former 104th cadets could be seen conversing, more strained than a cordial manner. His jaw clenched tightly, as memories of his old squad resurfaced at the back of his mind. _Eld, Gunther, Auruo and Petra._ He could still taste the overwhelming rage that coursed through his blades in the Forest of Giant Trees on that day.

It hasn’t been easy for him to accept working with their enemies was even an option at all, but to face a mutual threat, you’d have to push aside your personal anger and vendetta for the greater good. He made a promise in martial court years ago that he’d be the one who personally keeps Eren in check if he so much stepped out of line. That brat was beyond redemption. If talking to Eren isn’t working, then there’s only one thing left to do.

It would be hard on his only kin, but if it needs to be done, then so be it. Even if it means it would be hurting her the most.

* * *

**_16 hours earlier_ **

**_Open Seas, en route to South of Marley_ **

**_Three days after The Rumbling_ **

Reiner was bordering in and out of consciousness, his bleeding and battered body could barely register the buoyant movement of the steamship when it left the Paradis harbor, along with their fallen General. It was a narrow escape for the alliance and he, as well as Annie both, had almost lost their lives if it wasn’t for Connie, Mikasa and the Commander’s intervention.

Speaking of Connie, he could see him tending to the unconscious Armin lying on the bed next to his. It was rather fortunate that the steamship has a functional infirmary despite it being out of commission for quite a few months. Armin seemed to have lost his lower jaw in the altercation on the docks and would need at least four or five more hours to fully regenerate.

Another tall figure stood at the room’s doorway, looking very concerned with Armin’s condition, but for someone whom he believed is extremely close with the Colossal holder, Mikasa looked apprehensive to step into the room. Several seconds more, she eventually took a hesitant step forward regardless although she looked more like she’s walking on eggshells -- hurt and wary. A stark difference to the fearless soldier who had stormed through the windows of the enemy’s stronghold like a hurricane much earlier. 

_The moment they received the update from the Cart Titan’s surveillance, they knew they had to gear up as the Jeagerists stationed at the docks and those holding the Azumabito’s service crew hostage inside the main building would not be letting them secure the water plane at all costs._

_As the group settled down with their bearings in one of the much-secluded slopes of the higher ground overlooking the harbor, the ones in active frontline roles began to gear up under Mikasa’s watchful gaze, who had already geared up even before they ditched their forest campsite._

_He’d barely remember how to suit up and prep the ODM gears and equipment onto his body. Five years ago, it was a much older version. He could really use a refresher but he guessed he’d have to make do with what he can with his past experience and his muscle memory to guide him. He’d noticed the way she stood vigilantly behind Armin, observing the other young man as he equipped the blade holders on his thighs. Her gaze softened as she looked down at Armin and from where Reiner stood from across the distance, he could perceive a glimpse of worry and care on her face. The bond there, it feels no different than the one he has with Gabi._

_That tenderness in her eyes, he’d found himself very nearly lost in that vision. Nearly._

_Seconds after, Mikasa began to make her rounds to inspect and provide support if need be and Reiner found himself fumbling-- almost failing to strap the leather harnesses securely against himself. He’d just hope that his attempt would be decent enough for her scrutiny._

_Not that he was trying to impress her or anyone for that matter. He was one of the much higher ranking officers there and it was more of him saving his face in that matter. Guess, she’d somehow sensed his inner confliction from when she walked by Annie, promptly tightened the straps on her back and afterward, casually sauntered over to him and helped him clasp the buckle on his chest and tighten it without anyone else noticing the swift, tiny interaction._

_Akin to a private, unspoken moment between them; the former top two cadets of their batch. Yet, here they are -- him, the Vice Commander of Marley’s Titan unit and her, The First Officer of Paradis’ Survey Corps._

_“Thanks….” he whispered, to which she held him in her profound gaze and in a flash, her hand pulled tightly against the loose strap on his left thigh, causing him to grunt due to the rather close proximity and the rather unexpected action coming from her. Now that they’re standing face to face, he could finally observe how much she had grown in the past five years; just like he did. Not just taller, but way stronger too._

_Strong enough to kill him this time if it eventually comes to that. The last vision of her shoving down the Thunder Spear right into the hollows of his Titan’s throat induced an ephemeral sense of fear to sprout from the pits of his stomach. Her, granting him the sweet merciful release of death that he’d been craving for. It sooner transitioned to borderline titillation, too perverse even for his own deranged mind._

_Shit. Now’s not really a good time for him to be thinking of the light brush of her fingertips against his body or toying with the imagery of her forcing him into submission. Strangulating the air out of his lungs as she pulled him into a vortex of no return just by using her dangerous gaze._

_“You alright?” asked the very person who’s been the immediate invader of his unhinged headspace, with a curious look on her face. If the Ackermans ever had the ability to glance into someone’s brain, he’d be six feet underground by now._

_The initial plan was for Armin and Connie to storm in and try to divert the Jeagerists’ attention, drawing their leader out into the open air space to minimize the number of possible kill counts. All while Hange, Jean and Magath would be on standby on the lower levels of the building where the Azumabito matriarch and the service crew were held in custody. Waiting for the right moment to secure the ambassador’s group with low to none confrontation. Mikasa would be on standby as their contingency. He and Annie would be securing an escape route for the water plane in the front end._

_However, plans very usually don’t go according to what was initially planned._

_When they realized that Armin and Connie’s persuasion-deception plan was failing, it only took one wordless glance and a nod from him to Mikasa, to confirm that they had no choice but to execute their emergency plan._

_She stretched the whole length of her body forward and took a long, deep breath to prepare for her imminent leap straight into the windows of the top room where the Hizuru Ambassador was most probably detained in. “I’ll keep you both posted for any changes.” And with that, Mikasa never hesitated as she took off and propelled forward across the vast distance between the hill and the building, storming through the windows and breaking the glass using her own figure. The chaotic screams of grown men following suit only reinforced the fact that they were glad Mikasa and them were fighting for the same side._

_He and Annie began to sprint for the direction of the docks and while running, the female shifter shook her head and quipped, “That girl’s a more dangerous beast since I last fought her. Am I glad that we’re fighting for the same side. Sucks to be those guys.”_

_Indeed, Annie._

A cold wet cloth pressed against his lower jaw caused him to gasp, ripping him away from his recollection and his hand shot up to catch the other person’s wrist in instant reflex.

He found himself gazing into Mikasa’s surprised face. Her lips fluttered, seemingly wanting to say something but shut soon after when he reminded her, cautiously, “I think you got the wrong person. Armin’s on the next bunk.”

She shook her head. Her hand, still in his grip, continued wiping at the steaming blood dripping from the side of his head. “Connie’s got it covered.”

He could feel the slow and steady rhythm of the pulse on her wrist using the tips of his fingers. “I just need a quick shut-eye then I’ll rinse all this in the showers. It’s ok. Most of my wounds are healing right now.”

“I know….” Her sentence drawled endlessly, yet her hands remain with the task of cleaning the bloodstains on his face. This would be the second time she’s doing this; helping him, nursing his wounds, which the younger her would not be caught dead doing. Her face dropped, after coming to a conclusion that he most possibly didn’t like to be touched when he’s conscious. Hesitantly, her hand began to withdraw. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have touched you without your conse--”

“What?” His eyes widened in shock at her supposed allegation, his body shot up in reflex to oppose her notion. “N-no, no, is that what you think I’m--? I just don’t want to impose on you.” He eventually released his grip on her hand, for fear that he might instigate another misunderstanding between them. They are now allies, there shouldn't be any room for mistrust.

Her feelings indisposed, she corrected his insinuation. “You’re not. I just--want to do all that I can to help.” _More of trying to help herself by taking her mind off Eren and his god-knows-what condition he’s in._

Reiner nodded slowly, but surely and eventually his body eased back to the lumpy mattress, reveling in the kind, caring way she cleaned at his wounds. She kept her eyes downwards, fixing them only on the seeping cuts on his skin. It wasn’t awkward, no, and he tried to be respectful by fixing his gaze anywhere but at her chest that was practically right in front of his face as she leaned in to clean the side of his neck and collarbones. _Oh shit, don’t look. Don’t look._

The two mounds that were stretched against the tight fabric of her button-ups inched closer and when she ran that wet cloth against his nape, the resulting angle of her body eventually allowed a very (in)decent view of skin through the gap in between. Out of reflex, he turned his head away to the other side of the bed, trying to feign yet another snooze to recuperate. The still awkwardness from his end went unnoticed by the other younger woman, who seemed to be lost in her own pondering despite her hands moving diligently at the task in hand.

Just when Mikasa was about to be done with the other side of his face, Connie decided to reverse himself away from Armin’s bunk without looking and by accident, pressed the unsuspecting woman straight down onto Reiner’s chest.

“Shit. Sorry, Mikasa!” Connie gasped in sheer horror when he saw the consequences of his own clumsiness, blubbering his apologies nervously when she saw the annoyed glare on the raven-haired woman’s face. Her hands, luckily were propped up in time to prevent her weight from pinning the other man down. The resulting light brush of his chest and abdomen against hers, however, sooner instigated a rather unwanted effect on his own body.

And hers apparently.

“I hope you didn’t kill Reiner by accident,” added Connie humorously just to kill the tension in the air, with a nervous cackle before stopping short. “Holy crap, are you blushing?” He just had to make the situation more awkward than it should’ve been as he highlighted the blossoming faint tinge on the young woman’s pale skin.

_Connie, you asshole. Just shut up._ Reiner closed his eyes, mentally face-palming himself at the other man’s piss poor attempt at alleviating the situation. Mikasa immediately stood up yet not without making sure the stained cloth hit Connie directly in the face, causing the latter to choke on his own breath and gagged at the coppery scent of the shifter’s blood.

She left the room without so much as a look and he felt an unfounded sense of guilt creeping around his gut.

“Woah, Reiner…,” chided Connie, once again with his ‘perfect’ timing of things, as soon as he managed to pry the soiled rag away from his face,

He growled gently under his breath. “What?”

“Man, are you getting a hard-on?” His squinting eyes were directed at the other man’s below waistband level, confused and disgust plastered unabashedly on his face.

_What the fuck?_

As if picking up on the unspoken cue, his body displayed; in its almost full glory - the untimely pitch in his tent. 

Reiner lied out of his teeth. “It’s the adrenaline. It happens to me after a battle. Sometimes.” He’d thought it wasn’t even possible for his own biological build to react in such a way anymore. Not after a very long while. “That’s it. I’m hitting the showers. Now.”

“Yeah, man. Go and jerk off to Mikasa, if that’s still your thing. Not the first time you’ve done it.” Connie’s abrupt offering of old information from their training days almost took him on a trip down memory lane.

“Can it, Connie. Don’t talk about Mikasa like that. She’s still a woman. Respect her as one.”

He shrugged, “Says the one who has a boner for her. Ouch. Motherf-”

Reiner smirked, secretly celebrating his small victory when the bedpan he reached out from underneath his bunk landed mercilessly against Connie’s guts. It was unfortunate that the bedpan was empty.

* * *

_**4 hours later** _

_**Open Seas, en route to South of Marley** _

_**Three days after The Rumbling** _

There was an unbearable tension in the already cramped space inside the lower level deck of the Hizuru steamship. It had been almost four hours ever since they boarded the sea vehicle, barely making it after the shit showdown with the lunatic, obsessed trigger-happy Jeagerists at the docks. The newly-established alliance did not survive unscathed when they suffered a heavy loss through General Magath of Marley's passing as the last Marleyan ship exploded, taking him down along with the last group of Jeagerists, completely decimating what was left of the extremists. The last one to fall had been their leader, Floch Forster. He would have been successful; his reckless action would have been the only chance needed to sink the ship - their only way out left of the island if it wasn’t for Gabi, Reiner’s younger cousin. The Warrior trainee did what had to be done. It was them and the steamship or him.

A few of the surviving veterans of the Survey Corps stood scattered in the cramped hallway leading to the steamer's engine room, trying to regroup and possibly strategize on their next course of action. They barely escaped unscathed. A handful of them was heavily injured and only after several hours of their departure, were they able to assemble inside the navigation room of the ship.

Kiyomi Azumabito, the international ambassador from Hizuru, stood vigil next to the ship’s wheel and the crew steering the manual direction of the steamer. The man’s head occasionally turned around to the side, trying to catch a glance of the strained exchange between the remaining military survivors of both opposing Eldian forces. 

Hange watched in sympathy, yet made no move to react as Annie began to lunge at her, angry tears already leaking from the corners of her weary eyes.

"What did you say??" The flaxen-haired female shifter tried to fight back against the hold that Mikasa and Jean both had on each of her arms. She barely regained the strength that she lost in their earlier defense at the harbor, she could barely fight against anything else.

Hange could barely contain the weight of words coming out of her mouth as they crush all of this young girl’s hopeful motivation. “We decided with Magath that we would go to Odiha...or rather, it was the only choice we had. There was no way to save your homeland, Liberio. It would’ve been in ruins by now.”

With Magath gone, the Marley Warrior’s chain of command instantaneously falls on Reiner’s shoulders, a fact that he reluctantly eased into involuntarily due to their circumstances. Liberio’s already in ruins, there was not much left to fall back on and he wasn’t even sure if they even still have a home to return to.

With her arm still bracing across Annie’s shoulders, Mikasa felt a tug at the bottom of her heart the moment her eyes landed on the young Eldian girl sitting close to Pieck in the next room as soon as those words left Hange’s lips. She understood that feeling of hopelessness and loss; of home and family, just like that day in Shinganshina nine years ago.

It would take the steamship at least half a day to reach Odiha to prepare the water plane.

Without an irrefutable doubt, this would be the longest, most painful ship ride for all of them.

She felt the bristling stare of someone’s eyes, catching her looking at the little Marleyan girl.

Her solemn granite eyes met dark hazel, belonging to the girl’s cousin from across this crowded, cramped room.

After the earlier incident at the infirmary, both Reiner and Mikasa had been steering clear away from the other’s space and avoided looking at the other’s direction yet at this particular moment, he and her shared a look of understanding and of pain.

Nine years ago, she and Eren lost their home and family indirectly because of Reiner’s action.

Today, he and Gabi had lost theirs because of Eren’s executions.

The blame game benefits no one. They could never change the past but they could work together in this present so faultless children could stand to have a future.

\---

They had moved their next regrouping discussion into the next hour to one of the communal areas of the ship with almost everyone present, except those who were seriously injured or young. Reiner leaned against one of the walls, steadfast and arms crossed, wearing a heavy dejected frown on his face like a badge of honor. It can't be helped, after all the shitstorm that they've been through. Even after the quick shower much earlier, he’d already begun to reek of his own dried up perspiration and acquired musk - a concoction of sun, burnt gunpowder and tar from the ship's refinery. He made sure that he didn’t get too comfortable in resting as soon as his injuries began to heal and had actually helped the service crew in shoving more coals into the burner inside the engine room earlier.

He leered at the odd group in front of him.

Pieck was sitting opposite an exhausted-looking Jean from across the main table. Connie, on the other hand, had become best friends with the dining table, seemingly unable to decide between drinking the available wine supply or the platter of fresh fruits made available by their host, the Azumabitos.

He snuck a glance at Pieck, who seemed to be caught in a fierce staring competition with Jean. Both were sending each other agitated gazes, looking like they had an unspoken, unfinished vendetta despite fighting for a mutual objective now. He’d understand that Pieck might have not been able to process Galliard’s untimely passing days earlier but Reiner could only hope that Pieck could retain self-control enough to avoid getting into an unnecessary confrontation with anyone of their allies from Paradis. If they weren’t in the middle of a warzone, Pieck should’ve been given at least a quiet day of her own to grieve for her close friend’s death.

“We could not repay you and Ms. Leonhardt for protecting our people at the harbor, Vice Commander.” A voice broke his silent musing and he turned his head to the side to catch hold of the Azumabito family matriarch approaching him and stopped short to give him a bow of recognition.

The taller man shook his head, stealthily refusing the unwarranted honor. Although he returned the gesture politely as his towering height bowed down at Kiyomi Azumabito’s eye level. “No, Madam Azumabito. It is our responsibility. You and your crew are vital to our mission and in a sense, the world’s survival.”

Clasping her hands together, the older woman let out an exasperated sigh. “In an ideal world or a different time, this is when I would offer my only living kin’s hand in marriage to forge a stronger bond between our families as a sign of our gratitude.”

Reiner literally stumbled back against the window behind him, his back hitting the glass far too hard for his comfort. “Whuh--what?”He wasn’t sure if he was hearing her right.

“You’re a brave man, Mr. Braun. So selfless. Would have been an amazing suitor for her, but alas...” Kiyomi averted her gaze discreetly, in particular, towards the direction of the female counterpart of the now rare and exanimated Ackerman family. The subject of their impromptu conversation was sitting quietly on the corner of the discussion table, trying to absorb as much information as she could from the Survey Corps’ commander. It didn’t escape his wordless observation that Mikasa hasn’t blinked her eyes for quite some time already.

He subconsciously ran a hand through his hair in mild nervousness. “Please, Madam Azumabito. Her heart is already spoken for and she doesn’t deserve all this,” sighed Reiner, although he still bowed his head in respect towards the much older family matriarch.

“But perhaps she should cease to chase after Mr. Jeager’s shadows and find happiness with another, no matter how short-lived it would be?”

Reiner’s stiff, sturdy shoulders shrugged once. The hidden implication in the other woman’s words did not escape his perceptivity. “I highly doubt so yet I’m in no position to speak on her behalf. But, given on a possibility of them surviving this alive, I’m fairly certain you’ll find that suitor across this room instead,” remarked Reiner, while leering at the tallest figure in the makeshift strategy room, who, unsurprisingly was still eyeballing the Cart Titan holder. Oh God, the tension between those two is so thick, he’s tempted to lock them both in a room so they could settle their differences with a fight. Or a fuck. Or both.

Kiyomi covered her mouth using a hand, realizing the boundaries she might have overstepped, “Perhaps, I’ve babbled too much. Forgive me. As her remaining living kin, I just wish for her well-being and happiness.”

“Let’s hope we could stop the Rumbling and survive this whole ordeal. Otherwise, none of us would even still have a home to return to.”

“It’s just that I made a mistake of assuming that you two had a shared history together.”

“Mikasa and I were trainees together, just like Armin, Jean and Connie.”

“Well, Vice Commander, Ms. Mikasa very rarely has this soft look in her eyes with the exception of Mr. Jeager and Mr. Arlert. Yet, somehow, she still has it for you.”

“I’m very sure that she still looks at me with anger in her eyes if she ever looked at all.”

“Azumabito women are born fighters, it’s in our blood. Being in the company of authoritative, ignorant men actually makes us suffer from the inside.” There was a short pause in Kiyomi’s words. “It takes another Azumabito to recognize that look of respect in her eyes towards the men who deserved them. Like Captain Ackerman. Like you.”

He chuckled, darkly in return. “I think I forgot to mention to you that she had almost successfully killed me numerous times in the past before.”

“Mayhaps, those encounters only served to increase her respect towards you when all of our cards have already been laid out on the table. Miss Mikasa, I’ve noticed, doesn’t wear her heart on her sleeves, but her eyes, those are the true windows of her soul.”

The older Hizurian woman’s cryptic words almost drifted over his head yet there was a small window of curiosity inside him that couldn’t push aside an ounce of truth in her opinion.

If it is true, then the windows of the young woman’s soul are barely concealing the existing pain she is in because a minute went by and she still hasn’t blinked. Her physical body is here in this room but her mind is somewhere else; right wherever the Founder’s holder is.

Even he himself felt the pang of hurt when he’d noticed that none of the others said anything about it. They were hurt from the inside by Eren’s unpredictable decision, but, Mikasa, she is blaming herself for everything.

He hadn’t realized when Madam Azumabito had disappeared from the room and when the Commander called out for his name, he’d reverted his attention back to their main strategizing. He’d seen the way Mikasa’s eyes glazed towards his direction and he’d walked over to the empty seat next to her.

\---

Mikasa had been trying to find an excuse to withdraw herself from the strategy discussion taking place inside the interim war room. The sun’s blazing heat that could already be felt through the glass screens was beginning to push the gauge of her patience to a whole other level.

A figure took a seat on the empty chair next to her, bringing with him his warmth, and his distinguishable scent as he crossed his hands when they rested on the wooden surface. She found her attention partially drifting away from the discussion to the calluses on the insides of his palms, and to the curious veins straining against the suntanned skin of his hands and arms. They were coarse and strong, she momentarily wondered if they are as rough as they looked? She’d only had held Eren and Armin’s hands occasionally in the past when they were in battle or in trouble and hers were far rougher than both.

When everyone’s eyes were fixed at the Commander and a recovered Armin, she found her own centering at the silent, stealthy way Reiner’s hand snuck a plump peach from the large fruit platter right in front of them. It seemed that he didn’t want anyone to notice his tiny action even when Armin, Connie and Jean had been helping themselves with the servings from a little while ago.

She wasn’t supposed to focus on anything but the discussion yet her mind’s already far gone, lurking to wherever Eren is and wondering about the shifter only makes her ache inside her heart as if a blunt knife is being run through her chest over and over again. It has been a constant torment ever since the incident at Niccolo’s eatery. One that she can’t seem to be able to escape from. 

Reiner’s presence, however, is slowly proving to be an unfamiliar but a welcomed distraction from that ache.

Her questioning eyes trailed the way his hand rolled at the peach appreciatively, squeezing at the roundness, testing its ripeness from its rosy exterior and admiring its freshness, seeming to be somewhat grateful for excellent quality produce despite their circumstances. She observed, hypnotized with the careful way his strong hands split the peach into halves. A finger grazed against the lone pit in the fruit’s flesh, his touch light, reminiscent of a tiny speckle of snow during winter. _She felt an odd coldness starting from her scalp all the way down her neck._ His finger scooped out the stone smoothly from its juicy perch, its tip already drenched with the peach’s nectar and he caught the dark stone using his other palm, refusing to let it land on the hard surface. _She swallowed hard and only then realized that she was indeed parched._ His thumb rubbed against the empty bed of the peach’s pale flesh repeatedly yet tenderly, as if he was soothing a pain left behind by his pitting. _There is a sudden throb in the gulf of her own stomach._ She saw the way he lifted the peach halve up to his lips and instead of a large bite, his tongue drew out to take in the already dripping juice of the fruit in one long, intense lick; sucking in the nectar from the flesh before devouring the fruit whole. _Holy mother of Maria, Rose and Sheena._ She took in a long, deep breath of her own as a foreign feeling pulsed and slithered within her veins from her stomach and all the way down her nether regions.

Armin’s timely suggestion to adjourn and strategize took her back from the perilous imagery she’d almost found herself trapped in. Hange-san eventually wrapped up a preliminary brief of their next course of action as soon as they reached Odiha after sun fall -- all of which would have easily escaped her mind’s subconscious processing if she wasn’t blessed with transcendental inclinations. At this point, they were pretty much grasping at straws, not knowing what to expect.

“Mikasa, you’re burning up. Are you sure you’re not running a fever?,” asked their Commander, as all eyes were now drawn towards her and she truly felt like her silent indecency was forcefully placed on display.

Reiner stopped mid-chew, offering his suggestion, “It could be the start of a heatstroke. Have you drank anything since we got on board?” Unbeknownst to him that HE was actually the true reasoning behind the sudden spike of her body temperature.

Mikasa shook her head, clearing her parched throat. Yet she unhurriedly reached out to a pitcher of water, to which Armin had already poured into a cup for her. “Thank you,” she said coolly, somewhat relieved that things have been in a way, amicable between them. She downed the whole cup quickly.

Hange-san voiced out her concern. “Mikasa, I want you to take a rest inside one of the bunk rooms available in the upper deck. You’ve done really well today.”

She nodded slowly in return, adhering to her Commander’s order. “Yes, Hange-san.”

There was no concealing the older woman’s maternal concern over the younger recruit who had been the closest thing to a daughter in her life. She observed as Mikasa stood up from her seat and walked towards the main door of the room.

“Wait,” Jean called out to her, “Mikasa, I’ll walk you to the room.”

Reiner, Hange and Armin exchanged odd glances between them. Jean certainly had no idea how wrongful of an implication his suggestion sounded like to most of them. Pieck could be seen shaking her head at the taller man’s naivete.

“I’m fine on my own,” came the monotonous reply from the other woman as she turned her head back towards Jean’s direction. Mikasa’s yearning eyes that were brimming with a telltale sign of a dawning urge, Pieck noticed, were not even gazing at Jean but at another person inside that room.

It was aimed for her direction-- no, she turned to her right-hand side and realized that Mikasa’s words were meant for Jean but the longing in her eyes; it was for Reiner. _Or, could the words be meant for Mikasa, herself?_

_Maybe the Hizurian girl is burning with a fever after all. The fever from an old unkindled flame._ Zeke’s briefing wasn’t the first time she had heard of Mikasa’s name in Marley. It was from Reiner. He had spoken it out of fear but Pieck knew very well, one does not scream a hated enemy’s name in their sleep and found themselves waking up to an unconscious secretion of some rather privy bodily fluids. Porco, Reiner’s bunkmate in their past years’ missions, had blabbed about it once to get a good laugh out of her but she felt only sympathy for their Vice Commander’s predicament and Pieck had made sure Porco swore to take that secret with him to his death.

_Porco…._ She felt an immediate pang of guilt from within.

“She shouldn’t be alone,” persisted Jean as he pushed his chair back and Pieck decided that someone should remind him that the other woman’s wishes should be respected. “I’m very sure Mikasa said she wanted to be by herself.” Pieck reiterated the female Ackerman’s earlier words. Also, Jean had been grating on her nerves since last night.

“You don’t know her like I do.”

She rebutted, “Knowing someone and actually respecting them are two different things, Jean.”

The other man raised his eyebrow, irritated. The sarcasm in the Marleyan girl’s sentence was not missed by everyone present inside that room. “What the hell is wrong with you? Since last night, you’ve been nothing but a bitch to me!”

“JEAN! You’re stepping out of line.” Hange sternly reprimanded her subordinate of his indiscretion, while Armin and Connie were already exchanging nervous glances between them at the unexpected fracas taking place out of nowhere.

Pieck sent him a chilling glare from across the table and goaded, “Commander Hange, I don’t mind if he wants to TRY punching my face as he did with Reiner. He obviously has some anger slash ego issues he needs to sort out.”

Reiner sighed and stepped his foot down. “Pieck, at ease. You and I would need to talk. Now.”

“Sorry, Sir.” Pieck looked down in shame at her own temporary lapse of judgment and offered another apology to the Survey Corps Commander. “I apologize, Commander. My words and action are uncouth and unnecessary. I’m sorry.”

Jean stormed off the room, needing to vent out his frustration somewhere more private (yet again) and Connie shook his head in disbelief, chugging his fifth glass of red wine for the day, much to Armin’s chagrin. Hange gazed down calmly at the papers in her slightly shaking hand, it seemed that the heat and existing tension were getting to everyone when flaring tempers and disgruntled frustrations should be the least of their concerns.

* * *

[ \---- ](https://open.spotify.com/track/4LbfLqheRZesqH794Avpd9)

_He doesn’t play it safe but sometimes He needs to break the rules._

_She got what He wants, She knows He does too._

_For He will lay Her down and take it all off tonight._

_and, She wondered how could He make dangerous looks so beautiful?_

_She didn’t even have Him yet, but She can’t imagine losing Him just the same._

**_That night_ **

**_Odiha, South of Marley_ **

**_Three days after The Rumbling_ **

Reiner grabbed hold of the enticing curves around her waist, whispering a compliment for her patience when it was very obvious to him that she’s been holding herself back from tearing the shirt on his body apart with her bare hands. Hands that had slain dangerous, adult men just that morning. Hands that were now resting firmly on his shoulders with a tender discovery. Not with that ravenous eyes of hers, glinting mysteriously in the dim light of the living hall and her body shivering slightly with obvious self-restraint. She’s an Ackerman. As far as their existing knowledge of the family’s myths is concerned, her body naturally commanded itself to act by instinct whether in combat or when their survival was at stake.

Copulation was another form of battle in a spiritual sense, however, right now, her instinct could possibly be driven more by her desires. Her blood only amplified more of her lust; causing it to somehow peak tonight. On the eve of a huge battle between life or death, it could be due to the beseeching of her own bloodline or it could be the remaining adrenaline left behind from their confrontation with the Jeagerists this morning.

It could also be both.

It wasn’t foreign knowledge to him and that Zeke had even mentioned once that a life or death situation would more often expedite the mating process of all living species - a fact that he found it humorous coming from someone who actually frowns upon procreation or anything related to carnal desires. A fact of an experience that Reiner himself, rather, has yet to fully experience with a woman.

His eyes landed on the young woman sitting on the dining table in front of him, her long legs dangling from the edge of the table, her boots already being kicked off to the covered floor. His gaze followed the movement of her withdrawing hands from his shoulders to rest, clasping against her thighs.

She seemed unsure. Hesitant. _Maybe she’s having second thoughts?_

He tucked the strands of her hair behind an ear before taking his time to run a thumb along her pale, lower lips. He asked once more, “Do you want us to stop?”

Her eyes widened in response and her head shook immediately, dismissing his concern. “No one has ever--” there was a short pause when she drew in another breath, trying to gather the strength to convey what was on her mind through her words. “I don’t…” The sentence trailed endlessly, before her own arms wrapped around her body in uncertainty. “I’m not _built_ like most women.”

At first, he suspected that it could be the coldness of the temperature but eventually, he recognized the underlying insecurities existing inside this girl from that one sentence. Mikasa has always been someone who wasn’t verbally expressive but when she does, it’d be because it’s very important.

“I can see that,” he reassured her, placing his hands flat on the table’s surface, each within a respectable distance from her body. _And the beauty that comes with it_. She’s always had a rough exterior, and indeed over the years, she has grown substantially in not only height but also her mass in muscle and flesh. Underneath the layers of the partially-formal attire, was a territory that no other person might have possibly seen. “Mikasa, this is your body and only you should decide what you would be comfortable with. But, I only ask you one thing.”

She gazed up at him in confusion. “Apart from what we’ll be doing?”

He nodded, trying to fend off an untimely smile from appearing on his face. She could be effortlessly adorable without even realizing it herself. “I only need you to communicate with me. On everything that you want or don’t. Like or not. That’s all.”

She nodded her acceptance and before he’d known it, she had leaned forward to rest her head against his chest, her hands pulling him into another warm embrace. He could feel her taking in his natural scent, nuzzling gently against his shoulder. Her lips brushing gently against his beating heart with her eyes closed as if he is an addiction that is slowly taking over her system. It was odd to him as he wasn’t very sure if she’d be comfortable with touching him in such an intimate way even though his lips had already claimed hers earlier. With this, she confided, “No one has ever offered me an option before. Or ever asked me what I wanted.”

He closed his eyes, trying to push away the gnawing guilt and growing frustration towards the situation, environment, or demands of the military that ripped away her right to choose and not settle. Indirectly, he himself was the one who had initiated the point where everything started.

_I’m sorry._

Apologizing won’t change anything that has happened in the past. He’d learned that lesson well. He returned her welcoming embrace, suddenly being reminded that it has been a long time since he last been in this position with someone who would understand.

This came from a former enemy’s arms.

Not even his own family could provide this sense of peace, no matter how temporary it is when Gabi is too young to understand.

**** // Explicit Scene Alert \\\ ****

Her arms that were now clutching tightly against the fabric of his shirt in sheer desperation and her heaving chest are evidence that her arousal was still there, despite the short breathing spell and lips that were now recklessly searching for his once again, offering her permission. He reciprocated that consent with the same heated fervor. Tonight, just for tonight, it will be about them. The rest of the world could just stay shut outside that door.

He broke off the kiss and gripped the ends of his own shirt, lifting the stretchy fabric up and in his haste, actually had his head caught in its neckline, much to his dismay. It would’ve been the most unattractive thing to ever happen if it wasn’t for the way Mikasa’s hands were already making their way up from his abs to the line of his sternum, ghosting tingling, exploratory touches in its path. Marveling at the strong carved muscles of every part of his torso and the unblemished condition of his skin - devoid of any scars even though he’s been in numerous wars and battles in his twenty-one years of life. With every breath she exhaled, he drew in the same air the moment his face was released from its constriction.

She wasn’t the first lover in his life but he’d known in his gut that she’d be his last. He would worship every inch of her skin, her lips, and everything about her to last him for all eternity.

To Mikasa, he’ll surrender his desires, his will, and his dreams to be truly accepted for who he is -- a broken vessel with a broken soul, an unrequited dream with an incomplete heart, a war dog with the sole purpose of battle, a tool for his ruling government.

_They were not so much different than each other after all._

His fingers found themselves returning to their earlier position, this time with a stronger grip against her body, just underneath her chest. Thumbs rubbing against the fabric of her own shirt, he could feel the thrum of her low, hurried breathing against her ribcage. It was her own hands that pushed him towards the button line of the crisp, white material enveloping snugly on her body. His vision followed suit, his hands moving out of its own volition, and pulled the shirt from the waistband of her pants nimbly. They are runaways or traitors from their respective homes, the only thing that they own now are the ones on their bodies. Despite the urgency of their needs, his logic dictated his self-control by undoing her button from the lowest hem with the utmost care. With every unfastened button and every inch of her skin revealed in the dim lighting of their shared space, he could feel the stir of his own hunger clawing against its steel cages, urging its master to unleash the sleeping beast inside.

_As if it could sense the same beast beckoning forth from within this woman._

**To tame a beast, you’ll have to be one yourself.**

He asked, “Do you trust me for what we’re about to do?” 

She breathed her answer in an urgent whisper- “...Yes.” Short and resolute. She was getting eager but not impatient.

He nodded his acceptance and by the time he undid the top, final button and eased the shirt away from her body, Reiner knew he’d wanted the night to last forever if it could.

_She wasn’t built like most women because she wasn’t meant just for any man._

His lips skimmed against the column of her neck, cautious not to break any skin so that no evidence of their night would be left behind. For it will remain as an unholy secret they’d be carrying to their graves with them. Her body-- he noticed, was all muscles wrapped with a rough yet supple exterior, conforming to the figure of a veteran member of the military who keeps a diligent, daily workout routine. A habit that seemed to have never stopped since they were both younger and where his own body was devoid of any marks or scars from past injuries due to his shifter powers, hers was a canvas of histories; harness marks from long-term gear usage and numerous battle scars that only make her imperfections even more beautiful in his eyes.

_She was built like a temple; rare, heavenly, powerful, and only an undeserving sinner like him could be fortunate enough to find retribution through his reverence of her._

His hands found themselves spread out evenly against the smooth hardness of her strong back before they moved towards the elastics of her brassiere, pushing them both down her milky shoulders. He took his time to run his fingers along the outline of the contraption, reveling in the soft flesh of her round breasts. He wasn’t used to this.

_Should he pull? Were there any buttons? Should he ask? Would she feel weird if he does?_

As if sensing his silent struggle, her hands pushed underneath her chest, which only amplified the tight valley in between them even more. She eventually unhooked the fastenings on the front of the shapewear that was immediately dropped to the closest dining chair, following after hers and his discarded shirts, unveiling the two full mounds that only she knows that were yet to be touched by another person in her whole adult life. However, by the way he froze in response, it caused her to cross her arms against herself, her ever existing insecurity towards her own body reminded her of its constant presence. She expected that she’d be a disappointment to his steely, wandering eyes, despite having an advantage of concealment through the abandoned house’s partial darkness.

“Mikasa…,” he murmured her name, his tone no different than a drunkard’s yearning for his poison of choice before seizing her lips in another kiss, his hands gripping the back of her head instantaneously and his weight pressing her body onto the cold, glossy surface of the wooden table. Words wouldn’t do justice for him to reassure her and he let his own body convey his innate thoughts. His torso brushed up against hers in delectable friction, muscle to muscle, skin to skin without any space in between them as they both breathed in the other’s intoxicating scent; comparable to an enticing drug through every bite of the other’s lip. He whispered a low _‘so fucking perfect’_ into her ear and he could feel the titillating graze of her fingernails against his back, the long legs that pulled his own hips tight against hers and a growl; more feral than lewd in response.

Reiner propped himself a bit just enough to reach out for the bourbon bottle on his left and tilted it slightly to pour a generous amount of the malt brown liquor onto the strip of skin between the two perky, porcelain globes right underneath his own body. He dipped his index and middle finger into the gathering spot of liquor within her narrow valley and ran the paired digits up and down a straight line, spreading the liquid further into slick translucent lines over supple, fair skin. Even in the shadowy illuminations of the hall, he still found himself fascinated with the way her muscles quivered with every stroke of his fingers yet she only waited with silent, labored breathing and biting lips. Lips that were hesitant, unsure the moment he brought the bourbon-drenched fingers to her, but she’d sooner open her puckered lips again to accept the offered hand, suckling on his digits. Eyes that initially widened in mild surprise eventually closed again in a trance with every suction of her warm mouth and every lick from her wet tongue against his own fingers. With every pull and push, so as the rest of their bodies, their hips ground desperately against each other - Reiner was not the only one who could also feel the desire growing from within his own breeches, straining and fighting to be released.

_But not yet. Her first._

His left hand seized her right in a tight grip against the hard surface and he took his right fingers out of her lips, fanning them out across her jaw, moving down her slender neck and back to the small, collected pool of bourbon between her breasts. He looked down at her already flushing face, his own lips hanging teasingly above hers and he breathily asked, “May I?”

The raven-haired woman could only respond with a coherent, wordless nod of her own. He knew he didn’t need to ask her when she’d all been willing to give her everything to him tonight since the moment they walked through that door yet just the thought of confirming that she’d want him as bad as he did for her - that reciprocation instigated an inexplicable warm feeling inside him, no different than having a void finally finding out the missing part after all these years. _How could this mismatched puzzle piece be a perfect match to his own odd-shaped piece?_

His hand hovered above one of her breasts, the pad of his finger pressed gently on the rosy bud of her mound, smearing the liquor around its roundness. He’d known that the enticing moan that he could elicit from her through such a simple touch will be forever imprinted in his memories. The strong grip on his forearms beckoned him to lay its claim on her body when he grabbed hold of her delicate flesh and served an experimental lick, once. Twice. Eventually taking in the whole mound in his mouth, ravishing her flesh with literal curiosity and figurative hunger.

Not wanting for its pair to feel abandoned, his hand cupped and kneaded her other breast with heightened intensity, his thumb flicking its pert, pearly nub, already hardened from his touch while his jaw still devouring the other with ravenous greed. The sweetness of bourbon mixed with the slight saltiness of her own perspiration was a beguiling flavor that’s becoming his personal favorite by now. He pulled himself back and straightened his body up, trying to catch the breather that he lost and to look down at this ethereal beauty, surrendering to his and her desires. In the dimness of the hall, he could still savor the way her pale skin flushed a darker tinge of crimson with every taste of his lips and the brushing of his unshaved beard that prickled teasingly again her velvety skin.

Her elbows pushed her body up slightly, her lips shut yet her eyes sent him an anxious look, anticipating his next move. Those gunmetal eyes used to have anger, hatred and disappointment for him but now, there’s only yearning and lust. He could pretend that there’s also love there for the moment - a lie that he could get lost in even for a night.

He lifted the bottle and hovered it right above her body once again, tilting the glass decanter a little bit and let the dark malt liquid dripped down from the valley of her breasts to the rippling muscles on her abdomen in persuading strokes, some landed messily on the table, most of them gathered in the tiny curvature of her navel. Holding her body down by the waist and her thigh, his body bent forward to follow suit, lapping from her collarbone all the way down to the collected liquid, just above the waistline of her pants. The grip of her hands on his shoulders became stronger the further down under he got.

His hands undid the buckle of her belt with meticulous precision, but still, he fumbled with the sole button of the pants; his nerves shook, as it finally dawned on him that he’ll be the first man to be taking her body in the physical sense.

_Shit. What if he fuck things up and not in the literal sense either?_

He took in another long breath, trying to keep the trembling of his arms to himself. However, it was her own hands that did him the honor and unhurriedly, she undid the fastening of the last remaining uniform on her body. Unveiling every covered part of her to his eyes and his eyes only.

He swallowed _fervently_ the second those tight black pants landed on the cold floor, along with her short briefs.

Everything about her is just raw and pure. From the long slender legs to those powerful thighs bearing the dark marks of her gear harnesses, leading all the way back to the peak; her untouched _holy grail._

He wouldn’t want her any other way.

Reiner then took another swig from the decanter and licked his lips in the apprehension of what he was about to offer to her next. He could hear the thundering of his own heartbeat resonating loud in his ears as his body bent forward and both his hands settled firmly against Mikasa's inner thighs, parting them apart carefully, being very aware that her regular might could crush his skull just as easily if he'd so much made a wrong move anywhere. Although…..the mere imagination of him being smothered by her raw strength alone as he surrendered himself to her uncharted paradise was enough to instill not only fear but another long wave of chill to run along his nape and down his spine. _And lower._ The stirring in his loins would sooner become too much for him to bear.

Telling signs from the sight and scent of her exquisite body reclaimed his gaze and focus immediately.

"Mikasa..." he peered up from between the juncture of her legs, his jaw hovering just above her mound, swallowing hard as he waited for her response to his call.

"Yes?" She blinked back at him in confusion, and some concern ruining her already scarlet face.

They’ve only just begun but her body was so responsive. Here, he had thought that he’d be sweating profusely before he could even get her to warm up to his touch. “Have you been thinking about doing _this_ for quite some time?”

Light panic marred her otherwise neutral expression. “Wh-what do you mean?”

Reiner looked down and there was no mistaking the trail of wetness glistening in the dim illumination. He used a pair of his digits to press forward gently into her opening. _Obviously tight and absolutely drenched._ His swift, tiny action caused a knee-jerk reaction from her. “Body never lies, Mikasa.“

_Eren, you’re undeserving of this woman._

_Says the same undeserving bastard._

He could feel her body pulled taut the moment he lifted the same pair of moistened fingers that had been inside her seconds earlier, prying them apart, marveling at the slickness of her body’s natural lubricant.

“You…”

He looked up and saw her closing the distance between their faces. He felt her grasp at the back of his head which pulled him up, divulging her innermost thoughts. “I’ve been thinking of _this_ with _you_ . Just seeing your face again yesterday, made me feel somethingI’ve never felt before ever since. I don’t know what this is, it terrifies me. I’m losing him and I can’t imagine losing you the same way if I keep what I feel here...” Her other hand reached out to his and let it rest right over her heart. “-to myself.”

Reiner propped his forehead against hers. “Then, I’m already yours.” **_Tonight and for eternity._ **

_He’s a bastard and he didn’t know what he could have ever done right in his pathetic life to have been blessed with this woman’s touch, and heart._

For these stolen hours, he could just immerse himself in this broken fantasy of making this woman; the one who possesses an incomparable loyalty, a fierce devotion and a big heart so full of love, to be _his_ in a divine sense. As if he’s promised the day after tomorrow.

Those bedroom eyes of hers held him down indefinitely. In a different world, those eyes could have just chained him to her will forever.

Through another kiss, he sealed a pact to offer his life, his lust and what’s left of his heart to her.

He ravaged her with the same verve a dying man would unleash on his last meal, drinking every drop laced with the vanilla sweetness of the shared bourbon. She buckled under his touch when his shoulders pressed her limbs flat against the dining table and his grips tight against the sleek curves of her waist.

The beast within would not stop until he had his fill.

There was an unusual, foreign howl that came out of his own throat which he, himself had never heard of as he breathed out too hard seeing that his mouth was _full_ with her warmth and wetness. She wasn’t a loud lover too it seemed, but from the way her knees crushed his shoulders too hard and the way she gripped and pulled with enough pressure on the back of his head, he knew he’d been doing it right - tongue deep inside her dripping core that kept on gushing more and more with every stroke and thrust, painting his desires and his incomplete story on her body using his lips.

The rackety creaking of the dining table that’s on the verge of collapsing from her sheer strength, followed every thrust of her hips; faster and louder. The first time she reached her peak, he’d almost got his shoulder blades cracked from the squeezing of her knees and he’d heard the unquestionable sound of nails dropping from the table’s edges. The consecutive wave though, he had an excellent save despite her being extremely close to crushing his head with those thunder thighs of hers. He’d caught her just in time before the legs of the table gave out and managed to secure its surface in one hand before the flat piece of wood could land against the floor with a deafening sound.

Now that would be a rather interesting way to explain if anyone were to find out what they were up to.

He left her clinging to him on the floor - breathless, insatiable and _almost_ defeated if she was a regular human. _She’s anything but_. Therefore, the moment he saw her spent body on top of him - still coming down from her high - straightened up with a renewed urgency, Reiner knew that the huntress was now pursuing the hunter.

She sought his lips once more, humming in appreciation when she tasted herself on him. One hand took over the hanging tabletop from his, placing it slowly on the floor behind her, while her other hand fumbled with the buckle of his belt. This mystifying raven-haired beauty nuzzled against his jaw and whispered a death hymn of her own - his name. “Reiner….” She then pulled his member out of the already undone waistband of his own breeches. Her caresses soft against his packed length, already in the right position against her drenched slit.

Licking her own lips, she beckoned, “My turn.” Those wicked words, together with the wicked glint in her eyes, promised him a night full of reckless abandonment and he’d let her guide him to the large chesterfield at the center of the living hall.

_Oh, shit. Detour it is then._

He'd never gave in through all of his battles but tonight, he'd be more than willing to surrender all of him to this angel of death's divine mercy.

* * *

**Next Chapter:** In this war of hearts, there’s a fine thin line between lust and hate. Through mutual grief and clashing words, Jean and Pieck eventually settle their disagreement behind closed doors. Levi and Hange spent a quiet night together. Mikasa rises, Reiner falls; both wonder who’s the first to burn in the bodily tug of war they’re playing amidst the flaming waves of desire.

**A/N:** As usual, do share your favorite moments or lines in this chapter! Before I forget, Christmas is almost here & I’ll be dropping a gift for my loyal readers soon so please do head to my profile and click “Subscribe” (in case you haven’t!) so you’ll be posted on my new works as soon as it’s published! Thank you so much for your time & until the next chapter! xoxo


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